Living, Learning, and Teaching in Miami

New Year's Resolution

2007-01-07T13:21:00.000-05:00

Wow, I can't believe its been an entire semester since I last blogged. I can't believe how quickly the semester has flown by. But, I was talking to a friend yesterday and he said that he checked my blog the other day..which means that something still rings within the blogger world. I also realized that this is one of the easiest ways for everyone to know what I'm up to in Miami instead of having to tell the same story a hundred times. So this is one of my New Year's Resolutions: I am going to try to blog more about the amazing things that God is doing in my life. He has definitely been so good to me, especially recently. This has been a difficult Christmas break to see the least, but I have been constantly reminded of His grace and goodness this entire month.

I have recently fallen in love with Max Lucado's writing. I bought Scooter's Christmas present and decided it wasn't very proper to give someone a book for Christmas that you yourself have never read, so I decided to read it, too. I guess if he somehow stumbles across this, the element of surprise for his gift will be ruined, but I doubt he'll read this since he "hates technology." Anyway, I'm reading Its Not About Me and its proven, in the first few chapters that I have read, to be exactly what God wanted me to hear. Its NOT about me; its not about how much I want to hold onto Tallahassee; its not about watching people grow up from a distance and wishing I could be there with them; instead, its all about His glory and His majesty. Y'all all know that I have struggled every time I come home to regain the zealous desire to return to Miami that I had at the beginning of this chapter in my life. This Christmas break has been different. God has broken the tight grasp I held on my life in Tallahassee telling me to wake up and smell is glory. My life is for His glory, not for mine. Surprisingly, Max Lucado actually talks about pain in this book...something we all try to avoid. He says very blatantly:

If we are the marquee event, how do we explain flat-earth challenges
like death, disease, slumping economies, or rumbling earthquakes?
If God exists to please us, then shouldn't we always be please?

If I live in a world where I want to be the central focus, there is no way for me to explain what happens to me; no way to explain the hurt, the frustration, the heart-ache. BUT, if I live in a world that is focused on God, then I can explain the hurt, the frustration, the heart-ache. Everything that happens to me happens because God wants to be pleased. God uses the situations in my life to please Him, even though I may not always be pleased. He brings glory from pain. We sing all the time:

He brings beauty from ashes

Strength from fear

Gladness from mourning

Peace from despair.

If I was really able to step outside of myself, I would see that my life revolves around being part of His glorious plan. Part of a plan that He set up long before time began and will carry out until the end of time. This leaves the question, what do I want to do? Do I want to sit by and focus on a world where I think I should be number one, or do I want to be a reflection of the One who is Number One?

The moon models our role. She generates no light. Contrary to the lyrics of the song, this harvest moon cannot shine on. Apart from the sun, the moon is nothing more than a pitch-black, pockmarked rock. But, properly position, the moon beams let her do what she was made to do, and a clod of dirt becomes a source of inspiration, yea, verily, romance. The moon reflects the greater light. And she's happy to do so!...The moon is at peace in her place. And because she is, soft light touches a dark earth. What would happen if we accepted our place as Son reflectors?

All that for a loss?

2006-09-05T19:58:00.000-05:00

This ones for all my lovely friends back home so they know EXACTLY what went down yesterday. And after all this, we lost... feel my pain, friends, feel my pain. (I know this post is bound to bring a lot of negative comments, but oh well) .

Friday: Woke up feeling really sick.
Saturday: Sicker still
Sunday:
7:30- So sick I couldn't even get out of bed for church.
12:30- Probed by Sammy as to whether I was going to be well enough to go to the game. The response: "No, but yes!'
Monday:
11:00- Woke up feeling kinda yucky. Brunch was really yummy though
12:00- Attempted homework with Sarah...quite unsuccesful.
2:00- Learning to play Smash Brothers with Sarah. I think its more fun to just hit buttons and see what happens, but apparently there is an actual rime and reason to the game.
4:00- Leave for the Orange Bowl! Woohoo
4:15- Arrive at the metro station and quickly informed that the people with the free metro passes weren't there yet.
4:20- Consensus finally arrived that we were going to just pay to go to the Orange Bowl
4:22- Waiting and waiting and waiting for the metro
4:45- FINALLY the metro arrives. Take the long trip to the bus station.
5:15-Finally arrive at the Orange Bowl. Push our way through the crowds to get to the Student Entrance.
5:16- Informed that the gates will not be opening until 6 PM. More waiting
5:20- Raining starts. Now, for those of you who watched it on TV, the rain during the second half did not even compare to what we stood in.
5:35- Someone lights a cigarette right by me...nauscious feeling begins. Evan asks if they would put it out because Sarah and I were alergic; request completely ignored.
6:30- FINALLY make it into the Orange Bowl after being stepped on, pushed around, and holding on for dear life.
7:00- Go to get dinner and realize they dont take debit cards at the Orange Bowl. Scrounge up some cash and buy dinner.
7:55- Singing on the UM Alma Mater and the National Anthem.
8:00- KICK OFF!!!
9:05- Being feeling nautious all over again either from the cigarette smoke or the lovely smell of some illegal substance.
10:00- Half time...leave the stands to get away from the cigarette smoke...quite certain I'm going to throw up.
10:30-Rain starts all over again. Orange Bowl stands change from Orange and Green to other tandom colors of ponchos such as blue and yellow.
11:45- Defeat :0(
12:00- Start waiting for a bus...almost get seperated from my friends
1:25- Finally make it back to our dorms
2:00- Sleep, still quite sick and nauscious
Tuesday:
8:45- Wake up, shower, pretend I'm awake...attend class until 3:15
11:00- Informed by Sandy that our fish died :0( Melissa blames it on the loss.

And with all that...I'll still attend every home game and still cheer for the Hurricanes because....

ITS GREAT TO BE A MIAMI HURRICANE!!!!!!!!!!

2006-08-11T12:21:00.000-05:00

"and most of all, I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling again in my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you"

Baby-Dirty Dancing

Once again, I've attempted this post about 4.6 billion times and every time, I can't come up with anything coherent to say. It feels like de ja vu all over again, except that I think last year at this time I was more excited than upset, but this year, I'm more sad than anything. I asked Leah the other day why something so within the will of God could hurt so bad. I think its not normal to count down the days until I come home, but refuse to count down the days until Miami. I've been sitting here moping for a week now about how I just don't want to go back to Miami, and then I was reminded of something. Remember this song:

Our God reigns

Forever His kingdom reign

Our God reigns

For me, summertimes feels like a small child boarding her very first plane, all alone. The things that are her security are standing there, right along beside her, holding her hand and saying "it'll be OK...we love you and we're here for you." But as the plane takes off down the runway and then into the sky, her security keeps getting smaller and smaller until it is just a speck as she looks over the vast sky into the horizon. Thats what summertime is for me. I feel like I get a small glimpse of something that I love so much and in an instant, its slowly fading off into the distance, and I know it will be a while before I see it again. This feeling scares me, the feeling of unknown. The feeling of leaving the people I love and never feeling again the way I feel now. I've cried, I've shouted at God, I've done a lot of things and then God gently took me by the hand and reminded me of that simple little chorus that we sang at Student Life: "Our God reigns." He whispered to me: "Child, I know what I'm doing. You know those people standing on the runway with you telling you 'We've got you, you're safe and we love you' those people are going to be there for you, but you have to let go." Yuck, letting go? Letting go of my youth...yah right...thats one of the hardest things I will have to do. Letting go of the closest and best friends a girl could possibly ask for? Harder still. I feel like this makes no sense, this leaving business, but then God reminded me...those people, your security, they watch you leave and you watch them with all your might, but who is the one that once you can't see them anymore is right there for you? That be Me. We have been blessed with a God that is so much bigger than anything we could possibly imagine. For Him to get from Tallahassee to Miami He doesn't even have to move a muscle. Why than, am I so scared to leave? I've seen the fruits of God's labor in friendship when I left last year, so why am I still so scared of friendships disappearing? I guess it all boils down to the feeling...the feeling I have when I'm home with friends. The amazing feeling of comfort and sheer happiness. Nothing tops this feeling, and its going to be a hard feeling to replace in Miami. But, I'm going, tears and all, and I will be back sooner than you might even realize :o)

It's going to be hard

2006-07-28T23:06:00.000-05:00

I've started this post over again like five times now...so until I figure out what it really is that I want to say...I'll answer the two questions that I get asked most often:

I'm leaving August 18th (or 19th)...depending on what my roomie and I decided to do

And yes, I am going back to Miami because through a whole whole bunch of prayer, God has not told me any differently. Until He tells me to stay, I have to follow His leading on my life, as hard as it is sometimes.

Thats all ;o) Yep, shortest post you'll ever see from me. I'll figure out my random emotions soon and post more ;o)

Freedom :o)

2006-07-04T22:54:00.000-05:00

On the 4th of July we take the time to remember that we live in a free country; a freedom that was obtained through war, blood, sweat, and tears. As contradictory as this sounds, freedom does not come without some sort of "price" to it. America had to fight for the freedom in which we now so lavishly live. Far too seldom do we take the time to think about that; that our great great great great (add however many more are neccesary) grandfathers fought off tyranny so that we truly could live in an independent nation.

Driving home today after watching yet another amazing fireworks display with a peacefully sleeping baby in the back seat, I was thinking about freedom. About personal freedom, about our nation's freedom, and then God once again gently whisphered into my ear "Remember the freedom that I bring." John 8:32 says "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you FREE." And that truth? That the Almighty Creator, the Prince of Peace, the Lord of Lords, The Ruler of Heaven and Earth...that Amazing God left His high place in heaven to come down to live a lowly life to pay that price that freedom costs. Just like the price that the American soldiers payed so long ago so that I can receive an education, freely worship, and be who I want to be without fear of punishment, Christ waged war against the very things that held me in captivity. Through blood, sweat, and tears, Christ once and for all payed the debt that we owed because of sin so that the bondage that prevented our true freedom could forever be shattered, wrecked, ruined, completely demolished! And what "price" do we have to pay for this freedom? I always wondered what it would be like to let someone I love go off to war...to fight knowing they might never return...would I be willing to do that? To be in the thick of the blood, sweat, and tears? And thats the amazing part about Christ's freedom...we don't have fight the fight. We would never be adequate enough to fight it...we are too powerless. And thats why He said that He'd pay it...because only he is powerful enough to fight this fight. All we have to do is accept it. Like a small child eagerly waiting to open her presents on her birthday, we simply have to hold out our hands and say "Thats what I want." Accept it, nothing more, nothing less...and then the whole concept of "Independence Day" will radically change within your heart!

Taking a break

2006-06-21T22:01:00.000-05:00

So....I decided I'd take a break from starting these 50 paper plate shakers for preschool music tomorrow and update this thing. What can I say? Its been amazing to be home. I guess I just never realized how much I miss friends and family until I come back and am fully submersed in them again. One of the things that God has really placed on my heart recently is how much I took y'all for granted. I talked to some people about it (cough cough...Janelle) and others I had intentions and the timing was just never right. But...I'm sorry :o(...I think I just always knew that you guys would be around no matter what so it didn't seem "pressing" at the time to talk to y'all. What a jerk, huh? I know...I love y'all so very much and I love being home. Part of me is actually praying that God would tell me He wanted me to transfer to FSU (haha..don't tell my Miami friends that ;o)) but I know that (at least for right now) UM is where God wants me to be. So, I'm learning to savour the few precious minutes each day and the few precious months that I have with you guys. Its a work in progress...but I am learning to appreciate the amazing friends and the amazing talks and the non-stop "dates" and fun things that I have going on. No one knows me like y'all do (not even the people that put up with my day in and day out for 9 months in Miami ;o)) and God is definitely teaching me how to appreciate each hug, each smile, each quick glance, and each small word. He's showing me how to love the moments at youth on Sunday, the crazy Sunday mornings, and is constantly telling me to not take advantage and to savour every moment at Student Life Camp and every encounter this summer. No one compares to Tallahassee people and nothing compares to Tallahassee memories!! (Wow, this was not intentionally a really sappy entry)

Anyway....VBS is this week! I'm once again doing preschool music (amazing, I know). Its going to be a fun week and my very beautiful niece is coming to VBS this week...so y'all finally get to meet most of my family! Nolan and Heather and John will be at the picnic on Sunday! Yay. Maddie's pretty much "scared" of David..except we talked about it on the way home and she's not scared of him anymore and she said she'd even sit with the Kuder family and have lunch on Sunday...she's weird...don't ask...but always so beautiful. Thats the big happening of this week. Got thrown into music at the last second and am now effectively helping with the older kid's praise team too! Such is summer, huh? Its fast, its crazy, its exciting, and its over before you know it :o(

I'm horrible....

2006-05-30T22:31:00.000-05:00

I know, I really stink at this blogging thing. I guess its just that now I'm actually with the people that normally keep up with me through blogging, so I don't feel like I have to do it quite as much. Life has definitely been crazy since I've gotten home. That was quite possibly the longest four months of my life, but I can proudly say that I got all A's my second semester at UM and finally made it through the first year :o). Only two-ish more to go...wow, time sure flies.

These first two weeks of being home have been amazing. Reuniting with Tamara was supposed to go quite differently than it did, but I don't care...it's just good to be back with those who know me best. Pictures will follow once Tamara gets back from Ireland since they're on James' computer but not mine (even though they're pictures of me and her....don't ask). But, I don't want this to be a "this is what I have been doing since being home...blah blah blah" post because you all know what I've been doing...and well, if you don't...then either you need to really hang out with me ;o) or you should just call me on one of those four nights a week I'm working...so, I'll give this some more depth and substance :o)

One of the many things that God has been teaching me lately is that I need to stop "finalizing" the plans in my life because I really don't know what life holds, only He does. He constantly asks me to rely on Him to put together the pieces of my life because He's my Creator and who knows creation better than their Creator?? No one...really...at all, not even the creation itself. Too often I figure that I know whats best. I think "Oh, this friendship will never be what its supposed to be again, too much time has elapsed", or "this guy is perfect for me" or "well, I just know exactly how my schooling is going to go" etc etc. and I've been realzing that things change...constantly because God is molding the pieces of my life together in his perfect timing. And this often means allowing me to go through situations that test my faith in trusting God with every intimate detail of my life. Friendships that I thought were dull and dried up have been revived in the short time that I've been home, God has definitely changed my heart about guys in my life, and I'm pretty sure I still have no idea what's going on with education. And you know what, I'm OK with that. Three months is a long time to be away from Miami and the stresses that living away from home holds and I'm truly praying that this time will serve to bring me not only closer to the ones that I love so much, but also the One that deserves all my love and attention. (Hey, y'all can pray with me about that one!!) :o)

So, you know whats fun to say at the end of a post: "I'll see you tomorrow!!" I love the feelings of knowing that I will see most of you tomorrow :o) Love y'all

Breathe...

2006-05-09T15:16:00.000-05:00

Ok, stop whatever you're doing right now (except reading this) and take a big, depth breath and breathe a sigh of relief with me! I can officially say it: I have finally completed my first year at UM. At 9 AM this morning I finished my last final and breathed for the first time in what feels like 5 weeks. Through blood, sweat, and tears, I made it...by the grace of God because He definitely is the only one that could have gotten me through it! :o) I love this feeling of knowing that God is in control of everything and held my hand every step of the way my first 8 months away from home ever.

8 months ago I would have never imagined that I would be where I am now. I would have never imagined that I would be in this amazingly beautiful place with amazing friends and a wonderful "family away from family." I have been so blessed with amazing friends and family back home and just as blessed here. It definitely reminds me of one of my favorite country songs ever:

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you DANCE

I hope you DANCE!!!

There have been so many times in the past 8 months where I took my friends, my blessings, and the life that God has given me for granted. There have been numerous times when I would have wanted to sit out instead of dancing but God had bigger plans for me. I've had my heart broken many times these past 8 months, thought I was too full to carry one, and lost all desire to be so far away from my friends and family..but God never let me down!! Hallelujah!! When my heart was broken, He brought other friends in my life to help me pick up the pieces. When I was too scared to carry on, He brought so many rays of sunshine and amazing friends that encouraged me every step of the way. I cannot even believe how much everything has changed and how God brought everything together even when I couldn't see His master plan.

Guys, I cannot wait until I get home!! I will see you all (or hopefully all of you) in four days!! Thanks for all your constant support and prayers through these 8 months and 400 miles apart. I love you all :o)

Find rest my soul

2006-04-25T13:11:00.000-05:00

"No greater love have I ever know

You considered me a friend"

That completely blows my mind! The God of the Universe, the Almighty, the Majestic, the Powerful, the Ruler over all, He looks on me and calls me friend. But, whats much more than that, He looks on me and calls me "daughter." He has staked a claim to you and me. He created us, molded us, and look on us and said "Wow, I did really good!!" (Check out Genesis 1:31) Daughter...I am a daughter of the Ruler of everything!!

When I was little I used to pretend I was a princess. I used to think it was the neatest thing to live in a castle and have everything in the land at my disposal. I had lots of fun clothes and lots of money and never had to worry about anything. Now that I'm older, I still love the notion of being a princess because, well, I am. We are all princes and princesses just waiting to be taken to our kingdom. And just like the childish game I used to play, we really do have everything at our disposal. God loves to bless His children and make them happy. I think of an earthly father's love and how he would never ever do anything to harm his children; how he would do everything to protect and care for them. Who do you think taught a father how to love like that? Thats right...our Heavenly Father. That means that I am a princess to a King who knows how to love me beyond measure. He will never do anything to harm me! He will only love me and bring me closer to Him. He has already given me everything I need, and the whole world is at my disposal because my daddy owns it! That means that the fears that I have, the restlessness within my soul for fear of the unknown, those are all washed away because my daddy, the King of the Universe, already knows whats going to happen. Does a princess fear an on-coming attack when her dad is the strongest King in the world? No! Because she knows that her father and his men have everything under control. Why, then, does this princess' heart fear on-coming attacks from satan of stresses, leaving, grades, school, changes back home, and everything. Just as an earthly king would kneel before his daughter as the siege is beginning and say "Do not fear, my child, I have everything under control" Christ is whispering in my ear (and your's) "Be still my princess and know that I have everything under control."

Rest, find rest in the King of the Heavens and Earth, knowing that your daddy has everything under control...

Thoughts on Easter

2006-04-12T21:40:00.000-05:00

I was really struck tonight at the thought of Easter. I'm not even going to lie to you guys, my heart has not been in the right place this week, even though its not even in a bad place. I have been really homesick because Easter is such a big deal for me and to not be home to share it with my family and my church family has been extremely hard for me. And thats all I have been focusing on this week. I've been so consumed with how homesick I feel that I have forgotten that my Savior died for me to save me. Tonight at Campus Crusade we sang "Amazing Love" and we got to the part where it says:

Amazing love, how can it be
That You, my King, should die for me?

And thats when God reminded me what Easter was all about. Yes, its wonderful to have traditions and family bonds back home for Easter, but I can also start making that here. This Sunday we are celebrating something so much bigger than family traditions. We get to celebrate the fact that nothing could keep our Savior down. Death couldn't hold Him, sin couldn't hold Him, hell couldn't hold Him. Our God is so much bigger than the worst things in my life and He used His life as a living sacrifice because He is stronger than the things that hold us down. I was thinking about it from the two Mary's standpoint the other day when they arrived at the tomb to mourn and the angel said: "Don't be afraid! I know you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. HE ISN'T HERE!! He has been RAISED FROM THE DEAD, just as He said would happen" (Matthew 28:5,6) Could you imagine going to the tomb where you were sure someone would be and then be confronted with the fact that everything He said about this being raised from the dead business was true!?! The means that everything He said about dying to save me and you from our sins is true...that means that we no longer have to doubt our salvation or do good things to try and obtain salvation...that means that God's word is true to the uttermost and that nothing is too powerful that our God can't work through it...not even death! Thats where my hope comes from. Thats why I can live with joy, peace, and understanding...because my God is too big to be brought down by anything! And thats why I love Easter and Easter traditions so much; because sometimes in the hustle of daily life I forget the fact that Christ came so that I might have life and have it to the fullest (John 10:10), but remembering the fact that He rose from the dead and is now in heaven preparing a place serves to put everything back into perspective.

Cru Week

2006-04-06T16:08:00.000-05:00

As promised, now that Cru week is over, I am posting pictures from everything that we did for the past week. We had so much fun and all I can say is to Him be the glory for all this because without Him, none of this would have been possible! Christ got us through so much this week and I am so excited to see all that God did this week and especially at the luau. I know that God moved in many hearts this week because He definitely did a lot in me. Through sickness, frustration, lack of motivation, stresses and everything that this week brought, Christ has really brought me so much closer to Him. He really asked me these past few weeks if I was willing to let this be my life right now. Not to make school the most important, not sleep, not free time, nothing but Him. He wanted me to be so completely focused on Him and my friends and this minsitry and I lost sight of it a lot, but God used some very special people in my life to remind me that this was most important, that everything else can come later. Yes, I am playing serious catch-up with school and sleep now, but I would not change one single thing about this week. So, thank you for your prayers, they were used and multiplied greatly!! Here's pictures! Enjoy

Friday night was girl's and guy's night. The gals had a lovely time getting pampered with facials and a peppermint foot bath by a wonderful and very sweet Body Shop consultant.
Saturday was the beach picnic. I was so excited for the wonderful bar-b-que that we had. Cheeseburgers and avacado dip with chips was sooooo yummy. That phone was seriously attached to my ear for the entire week doing stuff for Cru luau stuff.
These were some wonderful girls that I met from the Miami Metro campus crusade. I was so excited to get to talk to them and hang out with them for the weekend. They are seriously sweet and have an intense love for Christ that I just love.
Yay for Sunday after church softball. Emily is pretty much an amazing softball player!
Clark is too, but he also loves sliding...right into wonderful Marcia!! This was totally an accident but it was kinda funny nonetheless.
Monday we had a slip-n-slide party and it was so much fun. Poor Aidin couldn't really slip-n-slide so I pushed and pulled her around the tarp for a while
The luau started with a lovely band called "Great Day." They were so good and of course, no luau is complete without Hula Joe...I was actually kinda scared about that one...
The turnout was amazing! Praise God!!
The night came to a close with Clark sharing the Gospel. He probably won't be too happy with me if he sees this pictures because he thinks its horrid. But, oh well. He spoke exactly what Christ wanted him to speak and I know that it stirred people's hearts and minds.

Serious prayer

2006-03-30T01:44:00.000-05:00

Hey guys! I have a huge huge prayer request to ask of ya'll...and then this will probably be the last time you'll see me online for like...a week. Ok, so we kicked off "Cru week" tonight, which is our big outreach for Campus Crusade on campus this semester. Its basically a week of fun and fellowship ending next Wednesday with a luau where the gospel will be present. But, basically, satan is attacking this thing on every side. We've already had to relocate, push the whole thing back a week, scheduling is all off, etc. And satan is definitely attack with school work too because we all have so much to do and not enough time to do it. Next week is going to be one of my busiest schools weeks and I have run-throughs for the luau and then the luau itself. And I know almost everyone that is involved in anyway is being attacked with the same thing. For instance, today we had to have a 7 AM drama rehearsal because everyone had tests all this week and needed the nighttime to study. So, first and foremost, pray for our school work. Pray that it would not get in the way of ministry and preparation, but also pray that we would actually get it done. Secondly, the health thing is an issue too. We are running on a serious lack of sleep and school and the details that are needed to put this week together are putting some stress on us. I already know a lot of people that are getting sick and I'm actually beginning to feel it myself. So, pray for that aspect. That health would be good and that all the attacks satan is putting against what we know is going to be a HUGE outreach on UM campus will be put down and not be a factor. Thanks, guys! I love you all so much and I can't wait to sit down next week and tell you all about Cru Week!

Dang long time

2006-03-23T18:21:00.000-05:00

Sorry, y'all, thats its been so long. Still dont really have time to write a serious update. I probably shouldn't even really be doing this, but I thought you guys might like to know what I did for my Spring Break. What a relaxful week, even though school definitely started right away, no transition time or anything. So, here's what I did last week :)

I decided my Spring Break was going to unofficially start the Wednesday before Spring Break, even though I was studying that night and Thursday night as well. This was me before my studying melt-down. Sara, Sergio, Elizabeth, Rubymel, and I were all contemplating what to do over Spring Break while piling on the couch in Rubymel's room
When Spring Break finally did start on Friday, Melissa, Sarah, Evan, and I headed to Melissa's house in Coral Springs. We hung out for the weekend, went to the beach, and of course, played a seriously insane game of Jenga. PS-Look at the bottom four rows of the tower! This entire tower is held up by a base of one wooden block on each row.
Monday night, Sarah, Evan, and I headed back to Miami to chill some more. It was nice just to be able to relax, even though the dining halls were closed so that was a little upsetting. We dont so much have money to be eating out that much, but we managed. Ok, so I was cleaning my sunglasses on the back of Sarah's swimsuit because it was the only dry thing and my other friend Sara said we looked really scandelous, so we obliged and took a picture. Dont ask why Sarah looks so satisfied ;)
Apparently Sara and I had an audition to be Charlie's newest angels...I think we passed.
Sara said that she thinks God was speaking to me. I absolutely love just staring at the beach and admiring God's beautiful creations. I have been so blessed to be able to live in a place so completely engulfed with God's amazing creation.
Tuesday night we went to Bayside. This would be Chris snorting sugar through a straw. Don't ask...
The last day we did anything big before I started relaxing and sleeping all the time, we went to South Beach. Sara and I found a puppy store and we found puppies and we basically fell in love with them. Our friend Curtis (poor guy) had to practically drag us out of the puppy store.

a Key, 2 fruits, boats, and oldies

2006-03-01T22:55:00.000-05:00

Sooooo, I apologize to all of you for not updating. And, this is not going to be a normal update where I tell you how amazing God has been to me and all He's doing for me right now, although He is, because I simply dont have time. That'll come at another time. So, I just wanted to share some pictures with you from the past few weeks and everything that I've been doing. So, are you intrigued by the title yet?? Ok, let me explain. "A Key" aka Key Biscayne, the beautiful beach where we took two of Emily's friends that came into town the weekend before Valentines Day. "2 Fruits" or two fruits of the spirit, Joy and Faith, two lovely sisters! Faith got to come visit Joy so we spent the weekend together! "Boats" because both times we went to Bayside and it was amazing! And Oldies because Johnny Rockets is quite possibly the most amazing resturant every and they play so much Beach Boys (hooray!!) So, enjoy the pictures!

Beautiful Key Biscayne!!

Bayside at night :) Ok, so me and Daniella are in the front (yes, for all of you that are wondering that is my gap dress being worn as a shirt, back off ;)). Ok, then the back is Patrick, Carolyn, Emily, Tamra (having a Tamra in town made me miss my Tamara), and Clark.

Bayside during the day. The city line is absolutely amazing at night, I wish I had captured it to show you guys

You're favorite person at Bayside!! Haha, just kidding. Still trying to figure out exactly why my hair looks red-ish, but hey

Me and Faith chillin at Bayside

Yah, we didnt so much mean to make this happen, but we were all thirsty and it just kinda did and it was cute

Carla and Tim at Johnny Rockets...good food, great fun

I love you all so much and I promise I will update soon!

Growing

2006-02-17T23:47:00.000-05:00

So, I recognize that my last post was a little weird and quite confusing and since I haven't posted since I have a feeling most of you don't know whats going on in my life right now. This has definitely been a trying week, not only for me, but for very many others as well. The closer I get to Christ the more He makes me realize I still have so much to learn about Him; everytime I start feeling like I'm ready to start a new stage in my life, He makes me realize I still have so far to go to be ready to love like Him. This week I was presented with a number of different emotions...excitement, reservation, confusion, frustration, lonliness, enjoyment, shame which all lead me to one conclusion: I am content in who I am in Christ and though the process is long and often temporarily painful, I am loving growing more and more like my Savior. One of the things that Christ really made me realize this week, because of how I acted this weekend towards three amazing people Christ has placed in my life, a talk with Jenny, and God constantly pricking my heart and convicting me of my actions, is that I am a very reserved person. I have an extremely difficult time trusting people because I don't want to get hurt and so I put up walls and act defensively so that I push people away and don't let them get to know the real me. I'm more content to live in my own little world than to take the leap of faith and trust that God put genuine friends in my life that are there for me. And my defensiveness had to be completely shattered this week when Christ humbled me and brought me to tears on a number of occasions by showing me His love manifested in my friends. I realized that if I'm just willing to step out and show me, the good, the bad, and the way I look when I first wake up (that would be 'the ugly' for all of you that didn't catch that) there are going to be those people that Christ puts in my life that are going to catch me when I stumble, recognize my errors, and instead of condemning me chose to come to me in His love and help me through them. I would be so lost without the grace and mercy of my Creator, first and foremost, but also without the brotherly love of my friends. I have been truly blessed and far too often take it for granted. I have been blessed with a mommy who loves me even when I have to tell her that her baby girl messed up once again, I've been blessed by being loved even when I don't deserve it, and I'm blessed to be learning how to love and forgive like Christ. I'm running for the goal, reaching for it, and although I know it won't be completed until the day that I look at my Savior face-to-face I am watching myself learning to enjoy every step along the way...even those things that I don't want to accept or like.

Boxes

2006-02-12T15:49:00.000-05:00

I think I did it again...I think I minimalized my God to something that conformed to my life and my desires instead of conforming my life and my desires to God's life for me and His desire. I put God into a "relationship" box and told Him He had a certain set of boundaries that He could follow under which I would be happy and content with these relationships for the rest of my life. I think I forgot to examine the fact that maybe God had something bigger and better planned for my life...something that I couldn't ever imagine...something perhaps I still can't imagine... I think its time for me to stop putting up boxes and boundaries in my life...I think if I stopped doing that God would wow me far more than I could possibly imagine...I think I'm confused about a lot of things right now and I think I dont understand anything thats happening...I think I've learned more in the past month than I ever thought possible and watched God change me and my desires quicker than I could have possibly imagined...I think my life is changing and I think I dont know whats going on...I just think I'm confused...

Ok, I understand that this is probably not going to make any sense...its very vague, I know. I wish I could go more in depth right now, but it would be far too confusing and not really the time to same everything...so, yah...call me if you'd like to know more is all I can say...

I love you guys...picture time :D This is from us going ice skating Thursday night (oh, interesting night...ask me about it :D :D)

Me and Elizabeth...the most amazing ice skater around :D
Clark and me...yah, he's pretty much my hero!!!
Me and Emily...one of the many times we were attempting to fall
Sandy and me trying to stay on the ice

Sacrificial Love

2006-02-08T14:10:00.000-05:00

Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God....This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. 1 John 4:7,10

I'm starting to realize that if you are really broken and open to what Christ is doing in your life that He doesn't really care where He reveals Himself to you. Too often we put Christ in a box and feel that He can only teach us things at church, at college ministry meetings, during our bible study, etc when He wants us to live a life where we are ready to be impacted by Him no matter where we are. For me, it was the elevator after classes this morning deciding what I wanted to do for lunch. Lately I've questioned Christ about relationships in my life and why they don't seem to be moving forward like I think they should. I was writing an entire post the other day about how I was so upset to be in a rough spot right now in my life where I'm moving past the acquintance part of relationships and getting to know my friends better and how this transition is so hard and I reread it and God really moved me that post wasn't what He had planned for me to write, so I put it off for a few days. This entire week I've been in prayer about this transition and complaining that I was "putting so much effort" into relationships and not really getting anything in return. So, I was standing in an empty elevator this morning watching the numbers anxiously waiting to get to my floor when Jesus was like "Nicole, have you been willing to make sacrifices to spend time with others?" Of course I wanted to open my mouth and scream "Of Course, God!!!!!" but as soon as I did I realized that I was not loving my friends with a sacrificial love. Take for instance, this afternoon's lunch arrangement. I could have eaten at a normal time, say 12:30, because I was absolutely starved or I could wait for Evan until 2:15 when he was done with classes and then go eat with him and get to spend some time with him. Coming back from classes I was so complaining that I was hungry and I so I decided that I wasn't going to wait for him to eat. This is where the sacrificial love part comes in. God really revealed to me that I get so easily frustrated because I want things to be done on my time and in my way, when Christ calls us to humble ourselves and think of others before our own needs. I sit and grumble and complain that I never get to spend anytime with Evan or anyone because our schedules "simply don't align" when in all actuality all I would have to do is sacrifice little things, such as eating at a normal time or going to bed early, to be able get that quality time with them. I was challenged at the beginning on this semester to get to know Evan on a deeper level and Christ made me realize today that I was not doing anything to follow up on that challenge. So, after God made me realize what I was doing, I decided to go to lunch with Evan. And it was so much fun! I forget how much I miss spending with him. I mean, we definitely didnt talk about anything big, we were talking about our classes and what we had been doing this week, but I was simply enjoying his company and laughing as he was applying his Music Therapy Pre-Practicum (aka-learning how to be a good person) techniques on me. I'm sorry, thats just scary (ask me about it :D)

I'm so sorry for all the times that I was unwilling to make little sacrifices in my life to get to know each of you a little better. I have been truly blessed with the relationships that I have in my life and too often I take them for granted or become selfish. God, continue to challenge me to humble myself and put my friends before my own needs. Help me to take concerted efforts to become more like You and place You at the center of each of my friendships. Convict me to make time when there seems to be no time and challenge me to really understand the needs of my friends and be there for them.

Ok, so now I'm going to leave you with some pictures from Evan's concert the other night :D I love you all so very much!

Evan and me after his concert...I love that tux :o) And he got new dress shoes so he was excited. They're gorgeous. I was introduced to them in the hallway making wings!!!
I love dressing up...especially when its cold in Miami because I can wear my beautiful Spanish scarf and my sweater!! Welcome to the University of Miami Frost School of Music Gusman Concert Hall :o)

Welcome to the inside of Gusman Concert Hall minus the instrumentalists (except for the few random ones up there. Evan was actually up there too at one point and practically ran off stage before I could take a picture)

Winds section...you can almost see Evan's head. He's kinda like me...always has the music stand up high ;o).

Sarah and I pretty much love getting dressed up :o)

Reactions after listening to the amazing flute concerto winner. She played Ibert...we decided if we could ever play half as well as her that we would be happy flute players for the rest of our lives.

Superbowl XL

2006-02-06T00:17:00.000-05:00

So, I was going to make my blog font all black and gold just for James, Evan, and all other people that are excited about the outcome of the game, but then I realized you can't so much see gold writing ;o). But, I think I'm going to try it anyway!!! Oh yes, I'm retarded...I know it...So, I promise sometime this week I'm going to write a deep, meaningful "what God is doing in my life" blog, just not right now. I actually sat at my comp for like 45 minutes last night and got almost all the way through one of those blogs and decided I didnt like the wording. So, I decided I'd leave you pictures to tide you over for a while. Last night (I'm not really sure who'd you consider to be the true hosts of the party) Sammy, Sandy, Evan, and I (or any combination of those four people) bought lots and lots of football food and raided Evan's room (he has TiVo!!!) Sarah, Ethel (aka Melissa), Beni, her friend Charis, Greg (I'm so proud of my non-football watching friend who came and watched football with us), and Courtney came to watch the superbowl and enjoy good company. Evan and Greg were the only ones cheering for the Steelers to win, so Evan's night was made. According to him, and I quote, "it was a good manly day...don't ruin it" ;o). Oh, gotta love that kid. So, we screamed a lot, cheered a lot, and definitely ate a lot. Hmmm...our party was completely with chips and guacamole, french onion dip, and salsa, wings (oh, the pictures are fun), a billion drinks, cookies, and chocolate. Enjoy the pictures :D

This fridge, after Evan so graciously stocked it for me. Thank goodness he had a big fridge. Thats not even all the food...thats just the drinks and wings. Poor kid had to come all the way to my room to get it all and move it to his room (yay for being able to check out carts, right??)
At halftime Sandy and I made the staple of any football party...wings. Yes, thats us sitting in the hallway :D. For one, there were too many people in Evan's room and we would have had to do some serious rearranging to move the microwave and the plugs are kinda on the fritz right now and we didnt want to risk losing power..that would mean no TV..BAD idea!
My beautiful feature roomie, Sandy, and Evan's future suitemate, Sammy. They're pretty much adorable and we all get along really well, so next year is going to be fun.
The picture before this is great, but blogspot is being stupid and isnt really letting me post pictures. I just wanted a hug because I didnt feel so good, but Ethel decided to capture the moment. I feel loved sometimes :D

Who we are in Christ

2006-01-30T13:18:00.000-05:00

This is procrastination at its finest right here, ladies and gentleman. But, I figured since at least one person has gotten onto me about not posting in about a week that I should probably do it. Please, get used to once a week posts. However, as a warning, they are going to be long because God is teaching me so much right now.

Friday morning was perhaps the highlight of the entire week. I was really tired so I decided that I would go get Starbucks before class. I slightly miscalculated my time and I ended up having about 20 minutes before my class, so I slowly walked around campus with my coffee and prayed. Campus is so peaceful in the morning when there are very few people around and its so early that the noises of college life have not yet shown their faces. I was so struck by God's amazing creativity as I was looking out at the field of green and the various trees that adorn my beautiful campus. After spending a few minutes in awe and thanksgiving of the awesome privilege I have to live in such a gorgeous place, I moved onto praying about relationships (which is a huge thing in my life right now). The previous night my friend Joy and I had our much loved "tea time." Basically, its a time where we get together and talk about our lives and what we're learning and what we're struggling with, etc. One of the hugeous things that God has been revealing to me recently about relationships is how much I need to find who I am in Christ before I start a serious relationship that will lead toward marriage. Recently I have been struggling so much with God and who I am in Him. Joy said it perfectly. I'm a very empathetic, people person and so I often I base who I am on how others treat me or what they say about me. I like to be liked and sometimes that can get me in trouble. Too often I've let how someone treats me or what someone says affect my whole day. And believe me, it definitely hurts when you are ignored or spoken to harshly, but it should not in any way affect your whole day. My greatest tendency in a relationship with a guy is to let their actions and words towards me affect me. If they say or do one thing wrong it ruins my whole day. And thats what God is showing me that I have to move away from. There is a difference between being a healthy, sympathetic person, because obviously when my friends are struggling I'm going to be sad right along with them and want to do everything in my power to help them, and letting everything bad to heart. So, as I was walking to class praying God struck me with a seriously powerful thought. He made me realize that who I am as a person is who I am in Him, not in anyone else. He showed me that I had to realize and accept that fact before I could enter a seriously relationship because its not about finding out who you are in Christ and then moving on to figuring out who you are in a person, its all about seeking to find out who you are in Christ and then finding out who you are with a person. Its like that in all relationships and so often I forget that, especially in a relationship with a guy. And the cool part about relationships is that each of them is different. God has placed all the various friends into our lives and they each serve to encourage us in a specific way. That in no way means that we are inconsistant people because we bring different parts of ourselves into relationships, it simply means that we know who we are all-around in Christ and can offer different parts of this complete character to each relationship.

God has also shown me recently how hurtful of a person I've been. I say things to people that don't accurately reflect how I am feeling towards them, but I do it simply because I've had a stressful or bad day without taking into account whether they had a stressful day as well or not. I've apologized more in the past two weeks to those that care about me most simply because of my tongue. I've been bringing pain, guilt, and hurt to people around me and simply because I've let Satan invade the relationship area of my life. Satan has caused me to doubt. He's constantly sitting there whispering "Have you thought that maybe she doesn't want you for a friend anymore?" or "He doesnt like you, he doesnt need you in his life...he's got more pressing things to do than to cultivate a deeper relationship with you." God has drawn me into more "me" time because I needed to focus on Him, and satan is trying to keep me there by making me doubt the relationships that I have. So, I'm sorry for all the hurtful things that I may have said to anyone. I'm so thankful for the friendship that I have with you and I'm sorry for dredging up pain in your life and making you seem belittled or inadequate in my life. You are not!

Getting bored yet?? If you're still reading, I'm impressed. This post is taking a dang long time to write. You thought I was gonna move away from the area of relationships, didn't you?? Well, I'm not (I told you God was teaching me a lot about relationships). In my girl's bible study we are going through the Book of 2 Timothy and I was really captivated by chapter 1 v. 16. Paul is giving his final "rapid fire" instructions to Timothy because he knows he's about to be martyed and he talks about this man named Onesiphorus who searched all of Rome until he found Paul who was hidden in an underground prison. Even after everyone else had abandoned him, Onesiphorus was there right by his side encouraging him and doing anything he could to help Paul. Looking at the verse I thought "Ok, wow, this man has dedication and a lot of guts" because it was definitely not an acceptable thing to go searching for and then aid the most wanted man in Rome at that time. But, God made me realize that through each of our struggles and trials (this was obviously a pretty significant struggle in Paul's life) that there will always be someone that God is going to place in your life to give you encouragement. It may be one person, maybe its multiple people, but God is never going to leave you hanging alone. I also realized that often it is just one person. Paul had many friends that came to help him, but it says in verse 15 that his other two friends deserted him. Too often we forget that we can't do everything for everyone. God has a bigger purpose and we have to really rely on that and let Him take the reigns of comforting our friends instead of trying to do things on our own.

Wow, if you've made it this far I am really impressed. I'm sure you're telling me to shut up by now, aren't you? Well, fine, I will. But first I want to leave you with a quote that as of late has become one of my favorites (and Tamara's too)

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. "

Love her like Jesus

2006-01-24T16:37:00.000-05:00

So, I'm sure some of you are seriously wondering why I'm posting so much because if you keep up with my blog at all you know I am ridiculously busy and rarely post. But, I sprained my ankle playing basketball with 2 other girls and 4 guys (don't ask, there's no real explaination for it) and so I'm kinda incapacitated in my room right now. I have enough ability to not feel the pain/be able to ignore it for the few hours that I have to walk to class, but thats about it. Its cool tho because my friends are amazing and some keep coming to see me :D Well, anyway, I realized the other day that my blog was crap. I'm not a big fan of the whole 'this is what I've been doing' posts, so I decided I'd post again.

Today, as I was sitting in my room 'working' on homework (and watching Boy Meets World) I was looking at the away message that I had up:

Just love her like Jesus and carry her to Him
His yoke is easy, His burden is light
You dont need the answers to all of life's questions
Just know that He loves her and stays by her side
Love her like Jesus
Love her like Jesus
(Casting Crowns)

Well, I was sitting there thinking about the words and I realized I hadnt been doing this at all. Think about how Jesus loves us: He's compassionate, not quick to judge, slow to anger, always forgiving, He doesn't hold grudges, He's patient and waits for us to respond to His gentle callings, and He never gives up on us. As much as my desire is to love like that, I realized sitting here with my away message up that made me feel so good inside, but really was just a pompous action on my part, that I am not loving like that, especially not to the one that needs it most from me right now. I have been short and quick to get angry. I harbor this horrible resentment in my own heart, and in the very depths of my heart, as much as I hate to admit it, I've already given up. And that hurts me. I've never wanted to give up, and maybe this is God's way of showing me something, but I dont want to give up....ever. Please continue to pray for us!

Love is patient
Love is kind
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking
It is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrong-doing
Love does not delight with evil but rejoices with the truth
It always protects, it always trust, always hope, and always perserveres
Love never fails
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

Bottom line: God is patient, kind, not envious, not rude, not easily angered and definitely keeps no record of wrong, He always protects, always hopes, always perserveres with us and never ever fails us!!!!!! And thats why we have to love off the example that He alone has given us. That is the prayer of my heart, that one day I can love like Him.

For Tamara and James :D

2006-01-24T12:59:00.000-05:00

Ok, so James told Tamara she should post about squirrels, and thus she did. And she was telling about funny squirrel stories on campus...and so it made me think of squirrels and how funny our squirrels are on campus. So, I decided to share my favorite squirrel picture to date with my favorite Tamara and James:

Evan found this squirrel on our post-Wilma scavenger hunt. He had cracked open the coconut and was drinking the milk from the inside of it. Evan wanted to take it home...but he couldn't catch it. So, thats one of the not-so-gross squirrel stories :D :D

Trying to keep up with posting...

2006-01-22T19:04:00.000-05:00

So, I just wanted to catch you guys up a little bit on my week. I know I'm not always so good at keeping everyone caught up with my busy Miami life, but I'm working on it, I promise. Just dont expect a post every day, by any means :D :D

Ok, so this week...its definitely been an interesting one. Its been really good because I've gotten to have a lot of "me" time this week, which I know is exactly what God had intended for me to have. Leaving Tallahassee I knew I was not where I needed to be in my walk with Christ and so as much as I needed to see people in Miami again and get to spend time with them, God really used this week to teach me a lot about Himself and what my intentions are for this semester. I also realized I had some apologizing to do, but that'll come later when I get to tell you about my exciting weekend :D. Classes are going great, so far. There's a lot of work and part of that may be because I'm actually doing the work. Last semester I was a horrible waster of my time. I literally did not have any time management whatsoever and really just squeaked by with acceptable grades because I did the bare minimum of stuff I had to do and definitely didnt read anything (which didnt help me in classroom discussions or on tests). So, this semester God really challenged me to better plan out my day and find time to spend with friends here, friends back home, and still have time to spend with Him, most importantly, and to do my work. Its been such a blessing in my life to get back into my quiet time because I forget how much I miss it and need it to sustain my life until its been gone for so long. My days go so much easier and I'm beginning to feel so much more at peace about everything. So, I made it through one week of classes and havent died yet, hooray :D

Ok, onto the weekend. This has definitely been a really good weekend and exactly what I needed. Friday night was an interesting one because I was utterly exhausted after my classes and so I ended up sleeping for 4 hours until my "date" with Veronica at 5. It was so good to just be able to sit down and catch up with her. Then, after 2 and a half hours of talking to her and enjoying each others' company, I went to the Campus Crusade Welcome Back BBQ. Oh, the food was so good. I got to talk to James on his way to B'ham while I was "helping" Evan cook the burgers. Really, all I did was put a few burgers on the grill and put cheese on the ones that he would tell me to and transport them all to the table when they were ready. He was the real mastermind and genius behind the grilling extravaganza. But, they were delicious! Anyway, at the BBQ I got really upset about this whole situation with Sarah (please continue to be in prayer with me about that) and had to leave. So, my friend Greg ended up taking me away from the BBQ and we went back to his room and played Super Smash Brothers with my friends Sandy and Sammy. Now, this is definitely the first time I ever played, so it was interesting. But me and Peach kicked some butt, when I could remember which Peach I was (Sandy and I always fight over the princesses!) Well, we played that until we all crashed about 12:30 and then I had to go take a shower because the wind followed me around the BBQ and I smelled like smoke (yuck!)

So, Saturday was an amazing day! I woke up about 12 and went and had breakfast with my friend Melissa. We ended up finding two of our friends, Greg and Joey, and so we ate with them. Made some quiet interesting conversation about bodily functions (ie-vomitting and peeing in your pants--oh Tam, the story about Ana definitely got told ;)) So, that afternoon/evening was the UM-BC basketball game. It started at 8--Evan and I got in line at 5:30. His roommate was there with us for a while but he left at halftime because he didnt feel very well. So, for the rest of the game it was just Evan and I screaming at the top of our lungs and jumping around looking like idiots! We're a scary combination at sporting events to say the least. Well, seeing as how I hadnt eaten since breakfast at noon and Evan hadnt eaten at all because he didnt get up until about 4, we decided Sbarro's pizza and Ben & Jerry's ice cream was a must...yes, at 10:30 at night. So, we ate yummy pizza and ice cream and then went with Melissa back to Evan's room to play the N64 (oh man, pretty much next year we're gonna be screwed because Evan and Scooter will have N64 in their room, along with the PS and maybe a PS3 and Sandy and I are going to have the Game Cube!) Oh dear! So, anyway, we played Mario Party 2--I never got a star but I got the happening star because Peach is just that cool! But, Evan got a little peeved with me because I kept landing on Bowser squares and I got the chance time and ended up taking 30 coins away from him :(. Sorry babe you know I love you. We than decided to play Golden Eye (yet again, I have never played that game). I got shot point blank in the face a couple of times because I "wasn't paying attention to what I was doing." My favorite level by far was when we decided our "weapon of choice" was going to slapping only. We ran around knocking the crap out of each other--and I ended up killing Scooter, who won every single level. That was my accomplishment. Well, about 4 we decided we should probably call it quits because Scooter, Evan, and I had church in the morning. So, we're walking back to drop Melissa off and all of a sudden, out comes the foam finger. Now, the foam finger was Melissa's and had been used by someone other than Melissa to smack me around a few times. You wouldn't think that foam would hurt that bad, but oh it did. Well, the foam finger came back with a vengeance, and of course I had to revenge myself but it didnt do much good because Melissa wouldn't give me the towel. But, oh! She would give Evan the towel, which meant that I took off running!!!! He caught up to me, obviously. I got tackled twice and each time he came down with me, so it was all good :D :D :D. Oh, dont think he's smacking me around or anything! I can hold my own against him.

Well, anyway, if you've made it this far congrats, its been a busy week...but fun. So, we dropped Melissa off at her room and then I was like "Ok, we need to sit outside and talk" and so I gave him the biggest hug and all I could say for a while was "I'm sorry." I had been a big jerk to him this entire week and said some pretty hateful things and afterwards of course felt crappy about it. One of the things ontop of time managment that Christ challenged me about over winter break was how actively I was pursuing getting to know Evan better. And I told him that. I told him how I had messed up this week and run full force into keeping up with my friends back home and how I had neglected him. Generally, in these things we are both at fault, so we talked it over for a little bit and talked about way that he could help me when I'm struggling the most and it was a really good talk. Postponed going to bed by about an hour (suprisingly only an hour...we had to call it a night because we were so tired) but, hey, thats what we do best. So, thank you guys, for keeping us in your prayers! Its been a rough week, but I think its going to get better, in more ways than one. Well, I need to find some food to eat because I'm starving and then continue to read like the diligent student I am! I love you guys so much...

(Oh, and we sang this song this morning in church and I absolutely fell in love with it) Here's the chorus:

I stand here before You
In wide opened wonder
Amazed at the glory of You
The power of heaven
Revealing Your purpose in me
As I'm reaching for You

~Reaching for You~

Lifesong

2006-01-18T19:10:00.000-05:00

Just to prove Pauls wrong, I decided that I would post, despite my busyness. As I thought about what I wanted to say about my being back on campus for 3 days, the first thing that came to mind was "hey, I'll complain about all the bad things that are happening right now" and then I turned on Casting Crowns because it was too quiet in my room. The first song on their new CD is probably a familiar one if you listen to the radio at all (I think Tam and I heard it like 15 times in one day...88.1 for real needs to expand their selection, right chika??):

Empty hands held high

Such small sacrifice

If not joined with my life

I sing in vain tonight

May the words I say

And the things I do

Make my lifesong sing

Bring a smile to You

Let my lifesong sing to You

I want to sign Your name to the end of this day

Knowing that my heart was true

Let my lifesong sing to You

Lord I give my life

A living sacrifice

To reach a world in need

To be Your hands and feet

So may the words I say

And the things I do

Make my lifesong sing

Bring a smile to You

Hallelujah

Let my lifesong sing to You

As I listened to those words, as "bad" as I see things going right now in my life, I saw absolutely no need to complain about my life when all I should be saying is "I'm sorry." How often can I "worship" Christ in a worship setting and then turn around and not worship Him with my life, which is what real worship is all about. I can't see past the problems that are in my life, and somehow those have stopped me from worship Christ...from believing that He holds my life in His strong hands and knows all the intricate details of it. Christ has called me, as a child of His, to a much higher standard when faced with life's problems. I am called to make my life a living sacrifice to Him. And how that is the cry of my heart: to "Bring a smile to You." To be faced with life's struggles and not doubt, to know that my firm foundation is not on any one person, but on the One that created me and loves me.

So, yes, things are not as good as I would like them to be here. Busyness has consumed us all and I feel like I'm doing all I can to stay afloat in the sea of homework. I miss Evan...we've been home for three days and I've seen him all of probably about 45 minutes combined and that was more of a "Hey, how are you doing? How was the first day back at school? Ok, love you...good night" kinda deal. Hopefully tonight will be an Evan and Nicole homework night (its such a shame we have to do homework together to be able to spend time with each other). I miss Sarah...I'm kinda getting the cold shoulder from her right now and I dont know what else to do to reach out to her and show her how much I love her. So, yes I covet your prayers, not only for myself as I tackle busyness and getting back into a serious homework/school routine, but also for my friends. Pray for Sarah, that whatever she's going through right now that makes her unwilling to come to me will be resolved through her relationship with Christ and that if its God's will we will resume our friendship. Pray for Evan, that as he tackles all fourteen (no, that is not a typo) of his classes that he won't get overwhelmed and that God will open doors for me to be able to help him out as much as possible. Miami is a radically different place from home and readjusting to life is going to be long and hard. I love you guys so much

I'm not ready...

2006-01-15T00:43:00.000-05:00

I'm not packing, although I should be; I'm not folding laundry, although I should be. All I am doing is sitting here thinking about how I am not ready to leave this city. Dont get me wrong! I love Miami and I love my friends, but I love this town and I love my friends here. This month has been amazing! I have gotten to watch friendships grow deeper and deeper and I am not ready to leave that yet. I know this semester holds a lot, and I know that each part of this semester coming up is in God's will and He knows exactly what He wants to do with it, but I'm just not ready. Not ready to leave my friends, not ready to leave my two beautiful babies and to miss more of their growing up, not ready to leave deep conversations face to face while walking around lake ella, sitting at a resturant, or just enjoying a good cup of Starbucks in a little corner table. I'm not ready to leave this life and go back and work on my other life. I'm not ready to face two sets of problems and have to deal with one from 400 miles away. I'm not ready to step back into reality when all I had to do for this past month was enjoy friends and catching up. I'm not ready to get thrown back into a hectic semester, still not knowing exaclty where I fit in and have to make serious adjustments to my life in order to be able to truly live. I'm working on trusting God with all this, and part of me is crying out "I'm not ready to trust You." I want to be ready to trust Him because I want to truly believe that everything is under control even when I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. In relation to Tamara's post, I'm drowning and I haven't even stepped one foot in the water. I already know this semester is gonna be busy, I already know there are major adjustments I have to make, I already know I have to work through problems with friends and learn to trust them and get to know them more, and I already know that I have to deal with major problems from 400 miles away. I know this, and yet I can't except it. Because, I am just not ready....

When peace like a river
Attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot Thou hath taught me to say:
It is well, it is well with my soul

It is well
With my soul
It is well, it is well, with my soul

Oh, God, make that the cry of my heart!!!!

Passion

2006-01-14T00:48:00.000-05:00

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight. Philippians 1:9

I read this verse last night in my quiet time and it definitely stuck out to me! I couldn't seem to get past that. Think about it! When was the last time that I could honestly say that my love and passion was to increase my knowledge about Christ and the things that He wants for my life. I had to chuckle a little bit because this verse stuck out to me mere days after I had a conversation while walking around the beautiful Lake Ella about how frustrating it is sometimes to just not care about your faith. To let the pressures of this world and circumstances in it weigh you down. It kinda reminds me of the video that we watched at youth last Sunday about situational faith. Too often we say that we have faith in Christ when really we have circumstancial faith. We can believe Christ when everything is going well and then as soon as one bad situation is thrown in our path, we ditch God and say that He doesnt know what He's doing. How I wish what Paul was saying was true for my life: that my love, my passions, what I find true joy in, is gaining knowledge about my Lord. In verses 10 and 11 Paul goes on to explain why exactly this is his prayer: so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ. Pure and blameless sound pretty good, dont they?? I think that all Paul is trying to remind us of is that we need to stake our love in something thats going to last, something that is eternal. Too often I place my love and energy towards something on this earth and neglect to gain knowledge about the One that saved me from this earth, Who loves me beyond all that I can imagine, and Who wants nothing more than to watch me smile at all He is

I love you!

2006-01-09T17:04:00.000-05:00

Tamara and I playing mini golf with Erin and Paul. They definitely rigged the game because they were keeping score, but I think we kicked some serious butt :D
The cutest butt shot of the coolest people you will ever meet. We didnt even plan that, we were just walking and Diane took the picture. I love you guys so much!!! These three are pretty much inseperable...and we hope to add a fourth rather quickly, right guys??
I love you, Tamara with all my heart. You are my favorite and I am so blessed to be able to call you my friend.

So lately, I dont know whats been going on but I've been seriously emotional. I'm still learning so much about relationships and it was defintely very hard watching Tamara go. Last week was so good, to just be with her and spend time with her and talk to her and laugh and cry with her, just everything. And yet again we had to go our seperate ways, and it was hard of course, and I was fighting back tears as usually, but I think this time it was a little easier to say goodbye because I got to watch our friendship blosom the last time I said goodbye and so I have confidence in whats to come over this next semester.

But I think even more than that I've just been downright emotional about everything. About going back to Miami and seeing everyone. I'm excited and really nervous all at the same time. I cant believe its only a week away and yet its going to be so weird going back. Its like a month has just been taken out of my life and now I have to go back and pick up right where I left off with my friends in Miami. And, dont get me wrong...I love them sooooo much, but being in Tallahassee feels right too. I dont understand how there can be two normal lives that a person can lead and both of them can be perfectly acceptable and desirable. And I guess I'm really nervous about all the changes I have to make in the upcoming semester. I know that I have to get a job and start supporting myself instead of living off my parents AND I have to start working in schools doing field experience. But, on top of that I have to starting making a lot more time for my One and Only and Sarah and I decided we were going to start going to the gym. I think I feel like I'm definitely starting over completely fresh this semester and trying to rebuild my life so its more like how God wants it to be. I definitely need to manage my time better and manage my relationships in a healthier, more Godly manner. Wow, I just cant believe I'm going back in a week! It seems all so surreal and yet its my life. I love you guys so much!

Relationships

2006-01-05T18:38:00.000-05:00

The other day I took some time to look back over my past semester and even over the past month since I've been home to see what I've learned and where God has brought me and I realized its all been about relationships. I think for the first time in my life (how sad to think that I'm 19 and I'm only just now realizing this) I've learned what it means to have a good relationship with someone, something that goes so much deeper than the superficial "hi, how are you doing??" I've learned that it takes so much work to build and maintain relationships and that there are give and takes in each. Relationships are mutual and each person should be benefiting from, growing from, and giving into the relationship. And for the second time in my life, I've gotten to watch relationships like that develop in my life and I've watched things that I have disliked about myself for so long suddenly change because I've been shown how to change those things about myself and been given the proper encouraegement to see these things to completion.

But far more into relationships than that, I've learned that relationships change all the time, but there are those that God has so intricately ordained into our lives that they will never ever ever go away, no matter time and distance. I've defintely seen a lot of change in my relationships, especially being away from school and now being home for longer than one weekend. I've watched relationships where I could sit down for hours and talk to people suddenly feel strained to find anything to talk about for more than 10 minute but I've also seen friendships that really just start being cultivated when I left, like mine with James, pick right back up over break even though we rarely talked this semester, which has been such a blessing to me this past month. And then of course there are those relationships that are so deeply engrained in my life that I've been so blessed to have. I've gotten to spend the past few days with Tamara and that has been such an encouragement to me because it was just like old times. We joked around (yes, we even danced and sang, as always), we had serious conversations, we talked about nothing in particular, we talked for loooong periods of time, and we even had our moments of silence that are not akwkard if you could believe that. You ever have that one friend that no matter the distance between you (cough cough..like 24 hours!!!!) you always trust them. Yes, the things that we've talked about our very different from when we were in high school because we have both grown and changed so much this semester, but the trust, understanding, and encouragement is still there. That has been such a blessing for me this semester and even now! I love you so much chiquitita!!! What a wonderful blessing God has given us, yah??

I used to be so scared about relationships, about opening up to people and letting people know me. I used to be scared of being hurt and so I guarded my heart and I didnt let people see me, the real me. But, now God has shown me how wrong I've been in that and how I have those two or three amazing friends that want to know the real me...that want to see me for me and want to help me change and bring out the best in me and those are the people that I get to rely on. So, thank you guys, for making Christmas break and this past semester so memorable. And thank You, God, for bring amazing friends in my life that are there for me no matter what. No matter the time or distance, no matter how expensive it gets to maintain a long distance relationship, no matter the changes that have taken place in our lives, no matter what. You are such an amazing God and everytime I think about how blessed You have made me by giving me these relationships all I can say is "thank You." I love you all so much....

Home again...

2005-12-24T13:09:00.000-05:00

Wow, its so hard to believe that I have been in Tallahassee for over a week now. The time has definitely flown by. Although I miss my favorites in Miami oh so very much because I never get to talk to them anymore, I am definitely having the time of my life here. Its been crazy busy... but its been good to just catch up with people. One of the things that I miss the most about not being home anymore is just sitting down with my friends and just catching up...and I have definitely gotten to do that with a lot of people recently. Last night was really good 'cause me and my Tamara got to catch up quite a bit about almost everything that we didnt talk about this semester. Its definitely been an interesting adjustment because for the past three, almost four, years we've eaten lunch together and that was always our time to talk about everything and now we dont have that anymore and somethings are just kinda harder to talk about on the phone. So it was definitely excellent to get to catch up with Tamara about everything that happened this semester. And I got to catch up with other people at parties and such, like Nellie. However, I must just say, in closing, that calling this winter "break" is not at all accurate because I have no idea where the "break" part comes in. I've definitely been running around like crazy for the past week...but I wouldn't trade it for anything...except maybe to have my Miami boys here with me....

BABY BOY!!!!!

2005-12-12T18:59:00.000-05:00

So...my nephew was born at 5:24 PM this afternoon (Monday, December 12, 2005)!! Apparently he is perfect in every way and i cannot wait to see pictures. He has no hair, unike my Madison, and was shorter than Maddy too. He weighs 7 lbs 9 oz and is 19 3/4 inches long. I cant wait to go home...thats all for now. See you guys Thursday or so :D

Update

2005-12-12T16:45:00.000-05:00

So....my sister went into labor today...so needless to say its been a hectic day for me. I've had one hand on the phone at all times. I am so excited, even though I am a little sad because I want to be there to watch the birth of my nephew...but my mom has been doing a good job of keeping me updated. She just called me at like 4:30 and told me my sister is at 8 centimeters. That means 2 more centimeters and the pushing begins :D Soon I'm going to have a new baby in my life and I cant even wait. Pray that everything goes well today and that the delivery will go smoothly and he'll be perfect in every way (of that I have no doubt)!!! I'll keep you all updated!!!

My favorite

2005-11-22T00:51:00.000-05:00

So, my favorite movie has been played out and I can tell you, the moral of the story still stands true: "There's no place like home." I have been over the rainbow, so to speak, and I love it somewhere over the rainbow, but I want to come home. Its only by the massive love of Christ that I have made it thus far without my friends, my mommy, my family, and especially my beautiful niece and very very pregnant sister. My land of Oz is Miami and its definitely full of tricks and turns and interesting people along the way. I have met many people with out a brain, quite a few without hearts (which breaks my heart when they hurt other people because of their shere stupidity), and have lost my courage quite a few times...And I can tell you that there were quite a few times when I've wanted to click my heels together and just come home, but sometimes you get this awesome opportunity to stay in the land over the rainbow and still return home. So, I'm sitting in my chair finishing up Thanksgiving letters for my friends here and thinking that in less than 8 hours I am going to be home..."Oh, but all the same, we're home Toto (too bad I dont have a Toto)." Back with you guys...back with my mommy and my own bed, back in the land of Tallahassee. My flight, by the way, gets in at 8 PM tomorrow if you'd like to see my :D I love you guys and I hope I get to see each and every one of you sometime while I'm home

Thank you

2005-11-19T18:05:00.000-05:00

Hey guys! I just wanted to thank everyone who has been praying for me over the last week and a half. It definitely helped so much. And for those of you who dont know whats going on, I'll fill you in. Luckily, everything is apparently just fine with me for the time being :).

Ok, so brief synopsis of my week. Last weekend I started feeling really crappy and at first I thought it was just something normal but it never went away and then it started getting worse. Like, I was tired all the time, couldn't stand or sit for too long, etc. and we had no idea what was wrong with me. So, we didnt think much of it and I was just told to stay in bed and try to get as much rest as possible. Needless to say, I didnt go to very many classes this week (about 1 a day if that). Well, this week we found out my friend has mono which was really scary because all my symptoms were really similar to hers. So, I called my mom on Wednesday and told her what was going on and she told me to go get tested for mono. So, I did...Thank you Evan, for going with me :). It is definitely a big comfort having you around when I'm getting a huge needle stuck in my arm. They took blood (Evan watched the whole thing...gross...I watched Evan's face) and ran tests. I got the test results back the next day and they were negative. So, thats good! But bad because we still dont know whats going on. Well, my mom was keeping in contact with my physician back home and they wanted me to go get a meningitis test (thats NOT OK!!) So, yesterday afternoon we went back to the health service center and they told me there was nothing they could do for me there. I told my mom that and decided maybe we should just go to urgeny care in Tally when I get home. She called them to tell them what was going on and to see if I could get an appointment and calls me back immediately and told me they wanted me in the emergency room RIGHT AWAY to get tested. I freaked out. Do you know how they test for meningitis?? A lumbar puncture...yes...thats right...sticking a huge freakin needle in my back. I was not OK. Luckily, Sarah was in my room so she was there comforting me and I called Evan and he came right over. I dont think I've ever been so scared in my life. So, we went to the ER and they checked me out and asked me a zillion question. After asking me all the questions and doing everything except draw blood and do the lumbar punction they ruled it was probably the early stages of mono (even though the test came back negative because it has such a long incubation period) and let me go home :). Thank you, Sarah and Evan, for always being a huge comfort for me and sitting with me in the ER while I was freaking out.

So, thank God, I dont have meningitis, I just am generally achey and still kinda feel like crap. Continue to pray for me as I work on getting better. Pray that I'll heal completely and that it wont be mono because that could knock me out for the entire Christmas break! Thank you guys for all your prayer and support through this :) I love you guys with every part of my being!!

I got tagged....twice

2005-11-14T18:00:00.000-05:00

So I guess that means I prolly need to post! Ok, here are the ground rules:

1st player of this "game" starts with the topic "5 weird habits of yourself" and people who get tagged need to write a blog/xanga entry about their 5 weird habits as well as state this rule clearly.

In the end, you need to choose the next 5 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "You are tagged" in their blog/xanga and tell them to read yours

Hmmm...weird habits?? Let me think. I do a lot of weird things but I dont know if you would consider them habits.

1.) I simply can't walk over cracks in the floor. Do you remember when you were little and you had that whole "step on a crack and you break your mother's back" chant and everyone was so scared to do it. Well, its not that I'm scared of breaking my mother's back but I still to this day can't walk on the cracks in floors. All floors...tile floors, wood floors, you name it. Its especially hard on the brick pathway around the lake at school :(

2.) When I drive I habitually check the speedometer and the rear view mirror. NOT because I am overly cautious, but simply because my eyes cannot stay in one place for too long so they have to move around.

3.) I correct people when they say "good" instead of "well." Oh my goodness that annoys me so much!

4.) I am very much in love with scents (just ask anyone) and so everything must smell good. I think I spray Febreeze in my room (the air freshner kind) at least once a day and febreeze every fabric surface in my room every Tuesday. I also have gotten into the habit of stealing Evan's sweatshirt on the weekends because he wears Curve and I absolutely adore that smell.

5.) I'm slightly more obsessed with the internet than I should be. Whenever I get near a computer I have to check away messages, my email, facebook (dang it), and almost all the blogs on my list before I am completely satisfied. Its actually kinda ridiculous....

Yah, I dont think I'm going to continue this either because the people I want to tag dont have blogs. Hmmm...maybe I could tag them on facebook. No, that would just be ridiculous because it would absolutely never end. So, there are my weird habits...enjoy ;)

Since we're all pretty big on numbers right now....

2005-11-12T14:17:00.000-05:00

10 :D

Rock, Paper, Scissors

2005-11-06T03:20:00.000-05:00

Can someone please tell me when rock, paper, scissors stopped being a game where you decide who starts a sport or something that you played for fun and started being a blood sport?? I played the scariest game of rock, paper, scissors today with Evan not really knowing what I was getting myself into. Apparently, if you loose, you get smacked with two fingers on your hand. Now, some people may think that doesn't hurt that much...think again. The first few times I was like "ok...I'm ok...you can do this" but by the fifth or so time I was like "HOLY CRAP!! This hurts worse than anything I've experienced." And can I just say it keeps getting worse?? I have a nice little bruise on my pinkie knuckle that is continuously changing colors...it was green, then purple and now its the odd shade of red and these beautiful popped blood vessels on the center of my hand. It looks really cool in flourescent light though :). And why, you might ask, did I keep going?? The answer is simple: Evan knows me far too well. He knows how stinkin' competitive I am and how I won't give up on something and all he has to say is "You're giving up now?? Oh come on...I guess you just can't handle it, can you?" and I'll go...and go...and go...and thats what I did. And I never officially gave up :) I think he just realized how badly I was hurting and decided to stop (thank you Evan!) Oh man...that was crazy intense :) I'm really for more ;) Just have to get feeling back in my left hand first.

And on that note (I think its an F flat...) I am going to leave you with what I realized tonight was my favorite part about being in college: watching other people do their laundry. I finally realized the only time I have to do laundry anymore is after midnight...so I started my laundry tonight at 1 and just finished and its 3:15. Well, I absolutely love going to the laundry room (minus scary stalker boy) and listening to people try to figure out how to do their own laundry. I seriously didnt know that some people who are 19 and 20 still dont know how to do their own laundry. I mean, for Pete's sake (I still haven't figured out who Pete is) I was doing my own laundry when I was 12 years old...how do you get all the way through high school and into college without knowing how to seperate your colors from your whites and add detergent. I mean, you dont even have to remember which water temperature you use for what...the stinkin' machines do that for you! Man...common sense is going right out the window...

And since I have to get up in a few hours for church, I will say "Spoki noki" for my Calyn and go to bed :) Sweet dreams all

Picture Scavenger Hunt :)

2005-10-31T19:28:00.000-05:00

So someone finally got smart after a week of sitting on our butts (actually, laying on the IM fields because of the beautiful weather) and organized something for us to do for a day. So, Friday we had a picture scavenger hunt and it was so much fun! It took sooooo long, but I really enjoyed it and the pictures were amazing...so I thought I'd share a few with you. A few, unfortunantly, I am not allowed to share because I value my friendships far too much...but you know, you gotta do what you gotta do...

'The stacks' of the library...creates a little vertigo problem, dont you think?? Dont look at it too long. Thats me and my lovely Sarah...
What we thought would be a war memorial...I mean...its a cannon...apparently everyone else thought it just involved way too much cuddling on Sarah and my part.
Ok...the clue was "A flock of Sebastians" aka...Ibi (the made up plural version of Ibis), which we definitely took that picture...but this one is just about as funny because its a 'flock' of Unico workers...the amazing people that clean up our campus after the numerous hurricanes and other crap that happens here...
Peeping out over the windows of the 9th floor of the stacks...I never have understood some people's goals for the stacks...it just doesn't make any sense after actually visiting them

OH MY GOSH! Yes, you're seeing it...an Oboe!!!! An oboe...anyone that knows me can vouch for the fact about how much I love the oboe!!! And now I actually know someone who plays the stinkin' oboe!!!!! What a way to start your day!!!!
There's the flock of Ibi...apparently along with two regular ole Crocodile Hunters
The Ashe hole...ok, come one guys...its the Ashe building!!! This was quite possibly my favorite picture to take but I got stuck and Evan had to come to my rescue
Hmmm...the clue was Double D...we couldn't come up with anything! But getting Evan to take this picture was fun!!!! Apparently there really is a scuplture of two Ds somewhere on campus.
Sunbathing in a sea of green!!!!!

Posting

2005-10-21T00:37:00.000-05:00

So I realized today as I thought to myself: "Nicole, you should probably post...you haven't posted in quite sometime and even though you're not so sure whether people read this or not, you should post anyway for the few loyal friends out there that do read your blog still." So here I am posting! Life has been so hectic and I'm so sure there is about a bazillion things I could tell you. I'm sitting here listening to the fire alarm go off in the other towers...since this is the third night in a row this has happened...but such is life, eh?? Its kinda sad because my friend Sarah lives there so hopefully she didnt have to leave because she was exhausted and I put her to bed over an hour ago. Stupid fire alarms...

I got the most lovely pictures from my mommy today!!!!!!! They were the ultrasound pictures from my sister's latest appointment. One of them is this HUGE picture of his foot...I think he's gonna be a big boy and the other is this perfect picture of my baby Nolan's face that I can't stop staring at!!! You can see every detail about his precious face. It made me happy and sad at the same time. Happy because I have another little baby on the way...sad because I'm not getting to watch my sister go through the pregnancy like I did with Madison. But, I get pictures, so I guess thats better than nothing. I dont think I'm ever letting this picture out of my sight. Thank you so much everyone who keeps sending me letters! They will be reciprocated, I promise...I have just been soooooo busy and I dont have any time to buy stamps (as weird as that sounds) or the money since my bank account is frozen until I can shut it down and open a new one (long story... fraud is the short end of it). But, I'm getting better about sending out emails :) so thats always good. So thank you Anna and Erica....you guys are soooooo amazing and I miss you guys soooooooooo much!

Today was such a good day! I got to sleep until noon today when my friend Sarah called me and told me to eat lunch because I needed to get up. Both my morning classes were cancelled so I didnt have class until 3:30 so I hung out with Evan and Sarah all day and watched Boy Meets World and football. Then I got to hang out with Sandy, Sammy, Greg, Jon, and Sarah until Sarah fell asleep and then the latter two boys and I relocated to Carla's room for a while. Its been a long day but I hadn't been in my room at all because I literally woke up and left to eat and then never came back so after 13 hours of being away from my room, I returned to finally sit at my desk and update. What else can I tell you??

God really stuck my last night at Campus Crusade. We were singing the song "Heart of Worship" which is one of my favorite worship songs and God pretty much asked me "Nicole, are you really loving me or are you pretending to?" and honestly...I couldn't answer that question "Yes, God, I am loving You genuinely" because I haven't been. I find it so important to hang out with my friends (which it is because i have to build friendships with them) but I somehow don't find it important to spend time with God. I haven't opened my Bible in a long time and I'm not making excuses, I'm just saying that its not at all OK that I'm doing this. My ministry is right here in Miami right now and I am no longer taking the time to refuel myself. God has really been challenging me to think about how much I am actually loving Him and displaying my love for Him in my obedience towards Him, my actions towards others, and what I chose to spend my time doing. I really need to reevaluate my life and my passion because I have somehow gotten away from the purpose of me being here in Miami.

Well, I love you all immensely! I can't wait for Thanksgiving because I am soooooo ready to come home and see everyone! I miss you guys like crazy! Let me know how I can pray for you PLEAE!

Loving

2005-10-11T16:06:00.000-05:00

This morning before leaving for class I randomly sat down and started reading blogs, which is not something that I normally do, and I got to Amberly's blog and she was talking about loving. I thought I would just read it and move on....but God had different plans for me. I really had to sit and dwell on it and God reminded me "Nicole, I have this perfect love that I want you to master and you've not been doing a very good job at it." 1 Corinthians 13 tells me how to love and when I went and read it, I realized I havent been loving anyone the way that God commands me to do...not my friends in Tally, not my friend here, not anyone. Lets look at it together, shall me?

Love is patient and kind--So often I refuse to wait for other people. I am a very stubborn person and I know what I want when I want it and how I want it, and thats not what true love is. God has been reminded me so much how I have to wait. Wait in relationships with guys, wait in developing close friendships in Miami, I just need to wait because everything comes with time. And I dont have that one down...thats for sure.
Love is not jealous or boastful or proud--This one really slapped me in the face because I look at the friendships of others all around me and how everyone in Tally is growing closer to each other and how I'm not because I'm so far away. And I've been jealous of friendships that I see here and I can't truly say that I've been loving my friends with the love of Christ when I'm jealous of what they have all the time
Love does not demand its own way and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged-- This was another big one for me! I definitely have a very conditional love. I will love you based on how well you treat me and what I can get from you...not loving you just because you love me and God loves us. This is the biggest one for me because I hate having a conditional love...I feel loved only when someone shows it to me and takes time out of their day to call me or talk to me. Why am I not doing the same thing and calling people back or taking the initiative to talk to others? I want to love like Christ does...
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstances--How do these seem to keep applying to exactly where I'm at right now? Think about that! Every circumstances...the good, the bad, the pain, the hurt, the frustration, the distance...everything. Sometimes I dont see my relationships going anywhere...I dont have faith in my relationships because I feel like I try and try and nothing happens...but then I realize I'm either trying way too hard or not trying hard enough. There is this balance somewhere in the middle that I just havent found yet and for that reason my love has lost faith.

So, after all this rambling I just wanted to let you guys know that I am actually still alive, I've just been ridiculously busy. I'm so sorry I haven't been keeping up with everyone. I miss knowing whats going on in your lives. And although I can't say to you right now that I'm loving you with the unconditional love of Christ, I do love you all very much. I miss you all like crazy and am working sooooo hard to try to find balance and find time to do everything that I need to do.

Dear God....

2005-10-06T13:46:00.000-05:00

....I feel so inadequate. I feel like there's nothing I can do...I can't make things right, I can't make things better. I hurt when people hurt; it pains me to see my friends like this and not be able to take all the cares of this world away. God, how I wish I had magical powers where I could throw all the hurt, the pain, the self-doubt, the struggles into the lake and never have them well up again. God, make me strong. Let Your words be my words. Let me not say anything when I dont need to say anything...help me to be there. Strengthen me because I need your strength to make others strong. Let me not rest on my own ability but the strength that You have. Get us all through this Jesus...hold me up while I try and hold others up. Hold them up, Jesus...make them better. Heal their hurt...Give them peace...I miss the smile...I miss the laugh....Heal their pain.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."
Revelation 21:4

Flowing water, crashing water...

2005-10-04T09:26:00.000-05:00

Well, the water may still be flowing but every bit of creativity has left me...maybe its because I'm so tired (I'm probably going back to bed fairly soon!). This weekend was so great, ya'll. If you didn't go...you can only imagine. It reminded me so much of the youth trips we always took together. Remember those? And how we got to draw closer to our friends because we were together all the time? Well, thats what this weekend was for me...it was a time to draw closer to the new friends that I've made. Its what I've been praying for for so long; that God would send Godly people into my life that can encourage me and will just be there for me no matter because its what I've been missing about home for soooooo long. And God definitely answered my prayers, but I needed this weekend so much to just strengthen the friendships that I've already made. It was a good weekend...

Oops, so in my tiredness I totally realized I didn't tell you what this weekend was. We went on the Campus Crusade fall retreat. Its for the entire Miami metro area so we got to meet some pretty cool people. Found Evan's black twin :) Karl is so great!!! We played Apples to Apples until about 2 in the morning and we were just rolling on the floor laughing because we were absolutely stupid and the words we put down made almost no sense the entire time, but they were really funny.

The beach was good on Saturday too....I swallowed about half the salt water in the ocean (thank you!) but my sinuses were pretty cleared up after I actually regained the ability to breathe. It really was a perfect day to go to the beach and it never rained on us (Thank God!) because it definitely looked like it should have. We played in the water...Evan tried to teach me how to body surf...didn't so much work. Hey, its not my fault we don't have waves in the gulf...i've been wave deprived all my life. Got hit by quite a few big waves because I'm at the perfect height that they would crash right now top of me. But getting hit by the waves was not completely my fault....

Ok, now onto what the weekend was really all about. It was called the Journey and it was really a call for us to be embrace the way that God wants us to go in our life instead of following the road that the world is calling us to. The cool thing is that this is what I've been talking about with people recently...just not being afraid and having faith about where God is leading me in my life. So, this weekend really solidified what God and others have been telling me. I realized I really really need to get on a regular schedule again and find balance between developing and maintaining my relationship with God, with friends back home, with friends here, and still find time to do school. Its definitely something I'm just going to have to struggle through...its a lot of work but I'm resting on the fact that God will bless me for my perserverance. Thank you guys for being there for me and praying with me and letting me ramble on and on to you as I struggle my way through this. You guys are amazing.

So, ok, last story and then I'm going to catch up on some more sleep (obviously I really needed it). We made it back from the fall retreat safe and sound, obviously, but my Crusader guys had a make-up flag football game, so I was like "hey, I'll go to it and watch them." It was such an awesome game!!! They were playing so well...and then it happened. We were watching the game from the sidelines and then all of a sudden we saw 2 people smack into each other. One of them hit the ground and I was like "ok, it will be ok..." then I realized it was Evan, and he wasn't getting up. You ever have one of those moments when you absolutely dont know whats going on and it scares you to death? That was my moment...I FLIPPED OUT! Got over there and there was a pool of blood...not what I wanted to see! He broke his nose (He's excited about it...it freaked me out!) So, the guys continued to play and they were still doing so well and then it happened again! Two guys went up...one guy came down to the ground. Ended up spending half the afternoon with Josh in the emergency room...he broke his collarbone...not cool. That was pretty scary too but kinda funny because Josh (who's a pre-med) was just so matter of fact when he was filling out the incident report...Evan and I laughed a little bit. Luckily they're both OK...Josh can't play today in the play-offs obviously, so hopefully we'll have enough people to play :)

Whoa...ok, thats enough rambling for me now :) I love you guys sooooooooo much. I miss ya'll a lot. Thanks for all the little notes telling me how much you miss me, even if they did make me cry.

This Ones for Evan

2005-09-29T23:02:00.000-05:00

Well, Evan seems to think that I dont love him enough, so I am going to reintroduce you to the one and only Evan-from-Alaska P. (yah, his last name is pretty weird and he may not want me posting it on the web...so we'll just go with P!) Ya'll just dont even know...Evan is quite possibly the coolest kid that I've ever met in my entire life. So, Evan is no longer the Royal Jester...let me reintroduce you to Evan

This is the one and only Evan...my prince of football :) You guys all really need to meet Evan!! He has been such a huge help and a huge blessing in my life!! I love you, Evan!!!

Tuesday...

2005-09-27T17:14:00.000-05:00

I've decided that Tuesdays are just the day for me to get in that mood I get where nothing makes me happy and all I can do is cry...it happened last Tuesday, but that was kinda explainable because I was locked inside for well over 12 hours, but today just doesn't make any sense. Maybe its all the work I have, maybe its the lack of talking to people, I dont know. Nothing seems to be going right these past two weeks...I dont like it...make it go away....

On a brighter mood....I'M GOING TO SEE THE ONE AND ONLY TRISHKA CONNER next month. Yay for fall break. It was too expensive to get home for fall break so I found out that I could take a train for cheap to Tampa, so thats what I'm doing :) I'm uber happy. I can't wait to actually meet trishka even though I feel like I've known her for ever and ever. She's such a cool kid.

And Tuesdays are definitely my cleaning days which means that everything in my room is febreezed and smells good, I have clean clothes again AND my sheets are beautiful and clean and my bed is made :) That makes me happy. Except for the scary guy in the laundry room who was just staring at me...I didn't like that. Oh, and I took my friend Evan's sweatshirt ransom until he can figure out what it is that I want :). This should be interesting...(shhh..dont tell him; I dont even know what it is that I want...lets see how creative evan can be :))

Ok, no more procrastinating...yah, right ;)

Praise Report(s)

2005-09-23T23:39:00.000-05:00

Hey guys! I just feel like I'm posting all over the place tonight. This ones about some praise reports that I have!

First off...its Friday (well, now its Saturday and the game is today, so I'm so excited about that)
I got to talk to Calyn yesterday and it wasn't our normal nonsensical (for the most part) conversation, we talked a lot about Ukraine and Radooga and so that was exciting! Especially because I have been really discouraged about friendships lately....so, it brightened my day to talk to Calyn
This week has been really stressful for multiple reasons...mainly that God is testing my faith AND I've just been ridiculously busy with school. I had a test on Thursday that I didnt think I was at all prepared for and basically just had to lay it at His feet and I got the test scores today and I got a 92...which means I got 46 out of 50 questions correct!! I was so excited!

Guys, please remember how much I love you! I can't wait for Thanksgiving because I know it really probably is going to be the first time I've ever had real THANKSgiving because I'll be back with all my friends and church family...if only for a little bit. But please please please keep me updated on your life. I love to pray for you guys and I want to know weekly how I can pray for you specifically. I have a prayer memo board and the prayer requests on them are pretty old, so I would love it if weekly or biweekly or something you guys would email me (Nicole_Flips4Life@msn.com) and just let me know what the heck is going on in you life and what I can pray for you about! I love you guys

Want to meet the princesses??

2005-09-22T11:02:00.000-05:00

Hey guys!! Sorry, sorry! I know there has been some confusion about the whole "princesses of football" thing (and if you're a friend of mine, I sure hope you know what I'm talking about because if you don't, we haven't talked in way too long). So, I thought I would let you guys meet the princesses of football and their royal...uhhh...court. Yah, thats works! We have a royal court, too!! Enter scene at the Ratskeller, the royal palace of football where the princesses and their court as just sitting down to watch one of the most terrifying games ever: UM versus Clemson. Triple overtime makes me want to have a heart-attack

Meet the Royal Jester...Evan from Alaska!!! He is one of the coolest kids you'll ever meet! We love Evan from Alaska
Evan, Sarah, and me chillin' before the game. Don't we look excited!?!?!
Enter Ali...I think she would have to be the royal dancer...she likes to dance a lot! She's not so much looking at the camera though
I dont know what Mikey is...maybe the royal party pooper. Just kidding! He's just not so much into college football so it was hard to get him excited about the game :(
And here it is ladies and gentleman! The moment you've all been waiting for *trumpets playing the processional* the princesses of football. Me and my lovely Sarah :) I love my fellow princess. We didn't wear the crowns we have because those are saved for special occassions, not to be brough the the palace of football for every game!!

What do you do during a hurricane??

2005-09-20T15:34:00.000-05:00

Well, Hurricane Rita just came over the Keys and didn't so much hit us very hard in Miami, but the U wanted to be very very prepared, so they put us on lockdown. Yes, thats right...lockdown! I felt like a prisoner! I couldn't stand it. Luckily, I got out of my tower and went to my good friend Sarah's room for the night. Well, when you're on forbidden to leave the tower, you have to find something to entertain yourself. So here are a few things that we found that worked:

Talk a whole lot
Laugh even more
Play marshmallow baseball (that was so much fun-even though we probably lost about 10 mini marshmallows in Sarah's room somewhere)
Listen to every song that every girl in the room has on their Napster list
Watch a movie (namely Serendipity)
Go to random halls and walk in people's room expecting a party :)
Go crazy (yah, this was a big one! About 2 PM after having been locked in the tower since 7 PM the night before, you start to get a little anxious)
Complain that they won't let you out to eat...a lot! (We had a specific time frame to go eat (12:30-1:15) and we wanted to go at 12:10...they wouldn't let us out of the building. It was sad...I was hungry)
Download Google Earth and look at satellite images of a bunch of really cool places (mostly Kiev though
Scream really loud when the PA system announces that the lockdown is finally over

I think if that ever happens again I may pack up and move back to Tallahassee. I never want to experience that again!!! That was pure torture. I felt...well...locked

I wish....

2005-09-18T19:27:00.000-05:00

...that I had all the money in the world right now. Well, really just a little bit would do. Enough that I could either afford to buy a stinkin' car (or even rent one for that matter) or enough to afford this $214 plane ticket to Tampa next week. All I want to do is go see the Olegs and Trisha and it doesn't seem like I'm going to be able to do it!!! Sometimes I just don't understand! I know God has my best interest at heart, but He knows my heart and He knows how badly I want to get to Tampa. I guess Mark Schultz and Rachel Lampa say is best:

I'm praying with hope and believing....

This one's for Calyn :)

2005-09-15T22:54:00.000-05:00

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day i'm loving you more than this
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you until the end of time

Chorus

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Chorus

~Come What May from Moulin Rouge

I miss singing with you Calyn!!!

Prayer Request

2005-09-13T18:15:00.000-05:00

Hey guys, this post is going to be pretty quick because I should attempt to do at least a little reading before I have Bible Study, but I just wanted to ask everyone for a quick favor. Remember me in your prayers, please. I think I'm really starting to feel the miles now. This week has been stressful already because I have a paper due or a test everyday and its the first full week of school that we've had. And I've really been feeling distant from everyone. I haven't really gotten to talk to all those that I love and care about (except Tamara) at all these past few days and its hard...I've cried a lot these past few days because there is a lot of emotion stuff happening and its weird to have things like this going on in my life and not have my close friends around me. Just remember me, please...

Rain

2005-09-12T00:10:00.000-05:00

So today I got to...are you ready for this??...play in the rain with one of my friends!!!!! I know, I know...it doesn't seem like much of a big deal, but it was for me. See, since I've left Tallahassee, there has been no one to play in the rain with me (I miss you, Tamara) so I simply have to splash through all the puddles by myself which is just strange and evokes a lot of weird looks for people. So, today on our way to watch a football game at The Rat (the on-campus bar) it started pouring. So, Kelsey and I decided "Hey, lets go play in it." We waltzed in the rain, we did cartwheels in the rain, we ran in the rain, we did ballet in the rain, and we even splashed through all the puddles (there were a lot!) It was so much fun and we were soaking wet...word to the wise, though, not so much a good idea to find the highest spot on campus (aka The Rock) and play on it while its lightening. We seriously could have died, but it probably would have been worth it. And I talked to Trisha tonight and we decided that its really only Florida people that like to play in the rain because it rains so stinkin' much down here so we just have to embrace it and go play in it...but Kelsey is from Alaska of all places and still loves playing in the rain :) This weekend has been an excellent weekend and it was a great way to finish it out! We left HUGE puddles everywhere we went because we could not stop dripping. On that note, I'm disregarding and previously unthought of homework (I dont think there's any) and going to bed!!!

Ukraine Update

2005-09-10T12:52:00.000-05:00

NOT FOR CALYN REBER TO READ UNLESS I'VE ALREADY CALLED YOU ON THE PHONE! Hey guys, this is something I wrote the other day and now that I've gotten to call most of the people I needed to share it with over the phone, I'm going to post it now. Thank you to everyone who was really in prayer with me about this, God heard and answered:

09/09/05
As you all know, I spent part of my summer in Kyiv, Ukraine working with Radooga ministries. When I left, I left a part of myself there; my heart was in a completely different place than my physical body and I could not figure out why. I cried almost every day and was extremely close to hopping back on a plane and going back for Camp 7 when I heard they needed extra people to help. I was, however, not able to go but little did I know that God had different plans for me that week. He used that time at Student Life Camp to reveal what He wants me to do with my life. As I’ve shared with almost all of you, Christ has called me to be His full-time servant in Kiev. I could not be more ecstatic with the calling I have been given and yet I could never even imagine what God would have had in store for me these past few months.

I’ve been in Miami, FL attending the University of Miami now for a little less than one month. When I left Tallahassee, I left with this great understand that God was using my time in Miami to prepare me for what was going to come in Kiev. There are so many things that I need to learn about being away from home for extended periods of time, from not being able to see my closest friends all the time to buying my own food and rationing my money to even learning how to use the public transportation system (something I’ve never done before but is essential to life in Kyiv). God has already showed me so much, and as I was continually in prayer for my future, God started to bring the plans together right before my eyes…much quicker than I could have imagined.

It seemed like no matter what I did, I could not get Ukraine off my mind and off my heart. There are times when I just sit down and cry because I was so ‘home’sick. At night I would cry out to God and ask Him why He was keeping me away from the place that held the center of my heart. And, as He is always faithful, God began to show me that in addition to preparing me for Kiev, He was going to use my time in Miami, when I have to be so completely dependent on Him because of the strong influence of the world around me, to reveal to me His plans. I never imagined everything would come together so quickly. As I continued to pray, and had other people pray for me as well, God began to change my own desires.

See, I’ve always been the academic type. I knew I would finish high school with my IB diploma and then move onto college and finish in four years or less…but definitely no more than four. But, as I drew closer and closer to Jesus and really actively started seeking His will in my future, He began to show me the different plans He has for my life…even now. I’ve always loved languages, and now with this calling on my life, have fallen in love with the Russian language. I was extremely upset to find that the University of Miami does not offer Russian courses and began to ponder my different options. I thought that maybe I could take them at a community college close by, or just wait until I went back for the summer and have Veronica teach me more…and then I realize, no! My God is so much bigger! He wants so much more for me than that! And that’s when Christ started morphing my dream to graduate in four years or less into a new and completely different dream to take a year off (yes, I said: take a year off) and go study Russian in Kyiv. This is by no means something that I thought I would be doing! My plans were to casually study Russian, but because our God is so big, His plans for me were to intensely study Russian, fully immersed into the culture with whom I will be working, already begin to work along side the ministry in Kyiv.

Now, I knew I didn’t want to just go and study Russian in Kyiv. Instead, I wanted to really start working towards a purpose in Kyiv right now. Thanks to a friend, Amberly, who went before me there is now a brand-new English program in place at the church of a few of my good friends from Ukraine. Who would have thought that as Amberly was opening doors for so many Ukrainians to learn English she would be opening the doors for me to start getting field experience in what I would love to be doing for the rest of my life. God’s plan for my life, as it stands right now (and believe me, I’m not saying it won’t change…it oftentimes does) is to take a year off what would be my sophmore year (school year 2006-2007) and go study in Ukraine, helping at the church where I can teaching English and help Radooga in whatever way possible and then come back to the states to finish my teaching degree so I can really be solidified in my ability to teach English in Kyiv. Then, after those three years, I will return to Kyiv and restart what I will be doing next year while working on my Bible Degree online.

As I started to tell this calling to various people, I asked them to pray very specifically for how I would broach the subject to my parents and that my mom would be receptive. I knew this would be one of the biggest obstacles because I am the baby and I know she doesn’t want me to go away. I got to share this with Veronica , one of my dearest friends from Ukraine, just the day before my mom called me and began to explain to me that she had read my blog and wanted to know whether I was sincere in my desire to be a missionary in Ukraine. I was floored! That was not the way I had envisioned explaining to my mom what I wanted to do with the rest of my life and how it involved me being 6000 miles away. Who would have guessed? But, we got to have a fairly long conversation about what has been happening in my life since this summer and the plans that I just shared with you and how I really felt this was what God was calling me to do. She cried, of course, but she gave me her blessing to go. Praise God!!! It wasn’t one night before that I had asked Veronica to really start praying about this with me, and then the next day I get a call from my mom telling me that she is sad that I will be so far away for a year, but that she supports my decision. Thank you, mommy, for being willing to let me go pursue what God wants me to do for my life. I know its not easy to watch your baby move 6000 miles away, but I want to make you proud of me in everything that I do with my life. Thank you, my friends, for praying with me about my life in Ukraine. Your prayers mean so much more to me than I think you can ever imagine. Thank You, Jesus, for giving me such an amazing calling on my life and answering our prayers so quickly. Help me to live through You and for you and only You.

I will be keeping you updated as summer 2006 gets closer on what I will be doing. Please continue to pray for me as God really solidifies the plans He has for my life. Also, begin praying for financial support and stability. I love you guys and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support.

Love always
Nicole Hamm
Also more affectionately know as
Yulya (Юля)

Amazing News

2005-09-09T07:36:00.000-05:00

You guys...I have the most splendid, outrageously exciting news ever!! And however much I would love to share it with you right now, there are certain people I need to tell over the phone first (*cough cough* my Radooga peeps) before this goes public!!!! If you call me, I'll tell you but oh my gosh, you guys have NO idea how excited I am!!! This is HUGE! God is AMAZING!

Have I showed you...

2005-09-07T11:24:00.000-05:00

the view from my window yet?? I realized that I showed you inside my room, but never what I get to look at everyday for the next year :)

Calyn, this goes back to how Miami fits my personality, doesn't it?

Here am I...

2005-09-05T16:41:00.000-05:00

So, I went to church yesterday for the first time in 3 weeks, which made me so happy, and although I guess I was probably a little over-critical because I love Northwoods so much, the service was very good. I think I may not have been totally there, and I realized that part-way through the worship where I just had to cry out God, take away the distractions of my heart! I was so focused on other things, and it just so happened that what I was focused on was something the pastor addressed that day: fear. Fear is a very crippling thing and I had become crippled by fear. Over and over and over again since I've been in Miami I've said "Ok, God, I know You are going to do amazing things in Miami; use me I'm Yours" but have still been so crippled by the fact that Miami is a place so filled by the world and that I was going to loose contact with all my friends back home, that I was not the open vessel for Christ that I wanted to be. We had an amazing time of prayer, and you know I LOVE praying, and the pastor was addressing the roles of spiritual leaders and how they can't be effective if they are still crippled by fear about what God wants to do and thats where I had come to: I was so crippled by fear that I could not be the effective spiritual leader that Christ called me to be. So, it was at that moment that I cried out to God to change my fears and use me as an open vessel in Miami. I'm not saying its going to be easy, but I have now become less and less worried about the things that happen. God has put my fears of homesickness and loosing touch to rest thanks to conversations I've had with friends back home and He continually reminds me that I am not in Miami alone, no matter how lonely I feel at times. Isn't it good to always have God on our side? So, then to close the service we sang this song below, and I wanted to share part of it with you guys and challenge you to struggle with me as we try to make this song the true cry of our lives:

Take my will and make it Thine
it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is Thine own
it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour
at Your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee

2005-09-04T13:19:00.000-05:00

Hey guys, go to my xanga: www.xanga.com/yulya59 to see pictures from my beach/movie day yesterday. Great fun

Total Abandonment

2005-08-30T12:51:00.000-05:00

So, I was doing quiet time today because when you have 5 hours between your classes you pretty much have no excuse not to (not that you have an excuse otherwise) and I got to this one verse and it really stuck with me so I thought I would share it with you. I know this is something I definitely struggle with and I know, just from talking with other people about their struggles, that it seems to be a very common struggle amoung Christians: total abandonment for the sake of Jesus Christ. Ok, so Isaiah 20:2 says: "the Lord told Isaiah son of Amoz: 'Take off all your clothes, including your sandals." Isaiah did as he was told and walked around naked and barefoot" Later it also goes on to say that Isaiah did this for three years.

So I read this verse again and again and again so was just completely floored by it. Talk about total abandonment for the sake of the Cross. Jesus just asked Isaiah to walk around competely naked...for three years! And why?? To prove a point to Egypt and Ethiopia. God has asked us all do to some pretty radical things, the most basic being TOTAL ABANDONMENT!!! That means laying down everything for His sake. Notice that Isaiah didn't respond by saying "Are you sure?? I mean, can't I just preach to Egypt instead?" or "Really?? You want me to do what!?!? WHERE!?!?" or "Why me? Isn't there someone else thats better equipped for the job?" NO!! The Bible says that "Isaiah did as he was told" no questions asked. God called Isaiah for a specific purpose in Egypt and God has called me for a specific purpose in Miami, so why do I continue to ask "Are you sure you want me here?? I mean, its Miami...Isn't there someone better equipped for the job?" God has called us all for a specific duty in a specific place, whether at TCC, FSU, Miami, Tampa, Ukraine, or where ever and until we stop asking "Are you sure?? You want me to do WHAT? Where?" we are not going to get the amazing privilege of watching Jesus work in the lives of those we want to reach out to. So, realize, God wants not part of you, not the Sunday/Wednesday side of you, not all the areas of you life except this one part, God wants ALL of you...every single bit...good, bad, and ugly. He wants your life, your future, your passions, your dreams, everything...and when you do that you are going to see those dreams and passions explode (yay for my future little salon owner!) But, you have to be willing to say "Ok, God, I know you have me here right now for a purpose, I'm an open vessel...use me how you will!"

Thank You, Jesus, for reminding me that you have me here for a purpose. I am in Miami to prepare people for you kingdom and to prepare me for Ukraine. Help me to be an open vessel that is pouring out your love. I want total abandonment! I want to be like Isaiah and not question your methods and purpose. And I want that for all my friends. Help them to be broken vessels before You willing to say "I love You, Jesus, I want what You want...no matter the cost!"

Impromptu Church Meeting, "We'll talk again," and mixed emotions

2005-08-29T01:06:00.000-05:00

Sooooo...it was my first official Sunday in Miami where I was actually able to go to church and you would be proud! I actually woke up to an alarm clock and got right out of bed (if you dont know, thats HUGEOUS deal for me! So I got all ready, attempted to make coffee...and then decided I didn't brew near enough so ended up just leaving it in the coffee pot, which its...uhhh..still there! Disguisting!!! So, we went to meet where we can all carpool together and realized that still nothing is opened because no one has electricity. Ok, guys, I just dont understand. Its Miami! I dont ever remember it taking this long in Tally town to get everything back up and running...I'm confused about it, but whatever! I have no classes AGAIN tomorrow (well, today!) So, someone took the initiative and decided "Hey, we're gonna have worship in my apartment." And thats what we did. It was very sweet, a good atmosphere. We sang a bunch of songs and I definitely cried again the entire worship time (Have I mentioned how much I love worship??) and then this one guy talked about the power of prayer and how he had learned so much about it this summer which I was so syked about because thats what I had learned about this summer too! It was so great to be with the body of believers this morning, even if it wasn't in a "traditional" church setting. I'm still really excited about going to church next Sunday, but it was good to have fellowship with the Campus Crusade peeps here.

Well, so the day wore on and I was procrastinating beyond all reason. I sat with my laptop on my bed (horrible idea guys!) and anytime anyone would get online I would use it as an excuse to stop doing homework, so I'd talk to them. I talked to Anton a lot today...that poor kid must be really bored, he spends a lot of time online, not that I dont :). So, about 3:30ish I get this email saying that school has been cancelled again because they're not even close to having our campus all the way cleaned. If you hope over to: www.xanga.com/yulya59 you will see why it is taking so long. And yes, Calyn, I dont think the trees put up much of a fight, sad day! So, we decided "what the heck, we're gonna just hang out...screw homework!" So, we met for dinner at the dinning hall and then went back to a friend's room and played Spoons! Oh my gosh, I dont think I've ever been so excited to play a game of spoons...it was insane! Reminded me so much of home. So, then we hopped on the shuttle (it was my first time) and headed over to Sunset Place to go see "Red Eye." I highly recommend that movie!!! It was so freaky!! But Tamara, I was so excited because I found someone that would hold my hand when I got scared!!! YAY! Plus, I thought of Tamara not only becuase it reminded me of the Ring (such a good movie) but before we went in I bought Circus Peanuts (what!?!?! These don't taste like peanuts) and ate them all the way through the movie.

It was great fun to hang out with people tonight and then my friend Sarah and I decided to come back to my room and stretch (we're trying to get into a system here about stretching because I used to be sooooo much more flexible). So, I sat down to read blogs, and got to James's....and stopped...and called him and talked to him awhile. And a huge flood of emotions just came over me. It made me miss home so much because I realized that there are things like Mrs. Becky passing away, or making Ukrainian food, or watching the September 11 musical, etc. that I'm not going to be able to be a part of anymore and no matter how much I want to be there and be able to encourage you in your walk with Christ its not going to be the same because I'm not going to see you guys face to face for several months. Its times like these where I really begin to doubt why God wants me here in Miami. I love the friends I'm making, but I absolutely hate being this far away from my family of friends. I want to rejoice with you, encourage you, and give you a hug when something huge happens in your life, and I can't do that anymore. And it hurts me. Please know that I love you guys and that, even though its not the same as talking in person, I'm only just a phone call away. My phone has been pretty quiet lately :( Continue to pray for me as I struggle with this doubt....

Destruction inimitable...

2005-08-27T19:44:00.000-05:00

Haha....so just kidding, but blogger is being a big butt, so I'm going to post the pictures of Hurricane Katrina's UM destruction on my xanga site!! Yes, I gave in, but pretty much only for posting comments on other people's xangas. So, go visit the pics and see what I survived!!! I love you guys!

www.xanga.com/yulya59

My creative juices...

2005-08-26T13:22:00.000-05:00

Have died! Maybe the got blown away with the hurricane, but I hate just doing narrative blogs, so I'm not going to give you any real updates about my life. So, this ones for all of you, my amazing friends! I've officially been gone for a week and now I'm sitting here with everything in Miami completely closed trying to find something to do...and I've been thinking about each of you and what I miss about you guys, so here you go:

Tamara....I miss Tamara because I ate lunch by myself yesterday and that just depressed me. I had no one to pray with, talk to, or laugh at. Great memories were made when we would go to lunch together...especially to the park:

Tamara, I think we needed those sling-back kind of chairs...then maybe we wouldn't have had so many problems!!!

James...I miss James because of his insane randomocity (probably not a word, but thats cool). I know that he can make me laugh any time I need to! Plus, I miss him because I never got free Outback :(

I miss Diane because of her caring spirit. She called me this morning to make sure that this:

didn't blow me away!!!

Jenshka...I miss my Jenshka because she would do the camp dance with me right now. I really have an intense desire to do it and no one here knows the stinkin' camp dance:

Roma...I miss Romchik because he has stinkin' cool hair and I haven't found anyone with hair near as cool as his!!!

Sergey...Now, Seryozha is quite possibly the coolest kid ever and I miss him immensely because I haven't heard the princess voice in over a month!

Andrey...I miss Andrey because for the first week we were back from Ukraine he was my alarm clock...unfortunantly, it was at 5:30 every morning!!

Calyn...uh oh...lets see...I miss Calyn because one, she would know how to get my creative juices back (maybe I should drink some apple juice or something) and uh, because...does it really have to be stated?? My sock supply is dwindling because she rocks my socks off all the time!!!

Veronichka...I miss my sweet Veronica because she's just so cool, even if she did threaten me with the hospital. But, I miss just sitting and talking to Veronica... she also causes the deplition of my sock supply!

There are so many more people that I could name things I miss about, like Daniel, Paul, Erica, Alicia, Melinda, Janelle, etc etc, but I dont have enough brain capacity at the moment to fathom how much I miss you guys!!! I love you all so much and know that I am praying for you!

2005-08-23T18:43:00.000-05:00

Well, since its technically a new day in Ukraine, I get to say it now:

HAPPY UKRAINIAN
INDEPENDENCE DAY!!!!!

Wow, its been 14 years! I realized recently that I really take my independence for granted because I've alway know it. Its really weird to think that almost all my friends in Ukraine were already alive when Ukraine finally got their independence day. So, this post is for you guys! Remember through your independence that you have also been granted an amazing independence through Jesus Christ...the one that frees your from any form of oppression! I love you guys so much and miss you like crazy! Can't wait to be back in the great country of Ukraine!

Hey guys...thought I'd share this with you

2005-08-23T18:31:00.000-05:00

So, I really wanted to share this with you guys because I get so excited about what God is doing in Ukraine. Oleg V (the president of Radooga--happy birthday by the way) sent me this email today about the "My time" festival that Radooga helped host a few weeks ago in Kyiv. Basically, it was HUGE!!!! It was an extremely large Christian band type thing with other stuff and Delirious? was there. So, I really wanted to share this with you because its so encouraging to see how big our God is!!!! This is what one of the members of Delirious? said about the festival:

[aug.12.05] +martin
YC "My Time" Sport Palace, Kiev, Ukraine.
On a plane again after our very first visit to Kiev in Ukraine. On the surface the same old thing, an arena packed with people singingDelirious? songs, but there was nothing 'surface' about this occasion.It was the biggest public youth gathering in Ukraine ever and there was one thing on this crowds mind and that was celebration.Celebrating a new political freedom after years of communism,celebrating the rise of a nation so isolated for decades but most of all their faith in Jesus.It was like when you put seeds in a microwave and pop corn starts to explode or like throwing your whole box of fireworks on the fire and letting them all go off at once! This was a new day for Ukraine and we were honoured to watch the youth of a nation lift their voices not in anger but in praise of a great God who breathes life into 'dry bones', bones that were meant to decay but instead tonight became a 'vast army' withone heart and one song ready to live for the king of glory.
This was the closest we ever came to missing a gig as British airways cancelled all their flights whilst we were on the way to the airport.After Ian Cattle our road manager stayed up all night (respect please)we found 7 seats on Ukraines own airline and arrived in with only 30minutes to sound check before we played. With only half our crew we set the stage up ourselves and just made it by the skin of our teeth!I'm so glad we didn't miss one of the most exciting nights of our year, hearing 4000 Ukrainians singing Historymaker reminded me of being in the school hall in Littlehampton in 1995 and seeing the youth of England start to believe in themselves and more so believe in theirGod who is infintley greater than creation itself. There was an air of'holy arrogance'that we weren't going to wait for change but we were going to sing loud enough for the world to hear of our magnificent saviour.Tonight that same fire was here and it touched me more than any one would know. You don't get used to this 'fire' or immune to the faith of a 15 year old in the crowd whose face is like the very sun itself and you see Christ alive in an ordinary kid who knows they have found the real thing and will give their life away for the gospel.Ukraine, please can we come back, if only so that we can catch the fire you have and keep this band focused on eternal things. We need each other in this world and singing with you was a priviledge.Thanks too for the hospitality of Mike Love and the YC team from Canada and a fine meal provided by Hillsong Kiev. See you all againsoon.Martin

Isnt our sweet Jesus so amazing!?!?! I definitely cried reading that because it reminded me so much of how I almost didn't get to to Ukraine and how God just perfectly orchestrates everything to allow those He wants to go. I hope you got about as much as I did out of that encouraging story! I read it to Jenshka this afternoon and had chills running up and down my entire body as I read it and hten afterward Jenna and I sat on the phone and cried for a while! I love you guys so much :)

Things that make me happy :)

2005-08-22T22:07:00.000-05:00

So, very many things have made me happy today. Its been a good day!!! First, I had my dean's meeting today and while everyone else had to get up at like 8 to go to 9 AM meetings, mine was not until 11 AM so I got to sleep in for a while, which made me extremely happy. And I got my schedule and I really couldn't ask for more! I have 3 classes Monday, Wednesday and Friday and they last from 9:05 until 1:10 with an hour break between 2 of the classes, so that pretty much rocks because then I'm done for the day and on Tuesday I have one class from 9:30 to 10:45 and then am completely done and then Thursday I have that same class from 9:30 to 10:45 and then another class from 12:30 to 1:45 and then am done. I mean, I really can't complain about my schedule at all because everyone else's pretty much stinks. Today was also happy for very many other reasons which will be listed below:

I was happy because today I wore the "Live Strong" bracelet that James "gave" me (well, i took it and he said i didn't have to give it back), so like he said, I thought of him today and it made me happy because James is an awesome kid and I love him!
I was happy today because before I left I randomly found Squirt, the duck that Jenna, Janelle, and I have from SLC 2 years ago and I decided to bring it with me. So, I put it next to my (still empty because I can't get to Target to print my pictures) Radooga picture frame and thought of Jenna which made me happy.

Today I was also happy because we went to the President of UM's house for the welcoming picnic and her house was HUGE!! Her backyard held over 3000 people and lots of free food, so that was exciting! And I loved the free food...there was like Cuban Food, Caribbean food, cheeseburgers, chicken, etc etc and it was all yummy. And I got to hang out with some new people and meet some new people, so that was nice.

I'm really happy right now because I just got off the phone with the one and only, very special (in a good way) Calyn Reber! We talked for over an hour about everything and it was so cool! I love my Calyn and its so encouraging to be able to hear words o' wisdom or just to have someone to listen to me about what my problems. (I promise Calyn, under strict orders from yourself that I'm going to find Campus Cruade tomorrow or at least emailing the people from UBC!) Я очень люблю тебя!!!!!!!!!!

And I'm really really happy right now because I'm listening to the awesome Radooga 2005 CD that Calyn made me!!! It makes me happy because I'm learning the words (even if I dont really know what they mean) so I can sing along!!!

Finally, I'm happy because I actually get to sleep in tomorrow! I just haven't to make sure that I'm up by 1:30 :)

And oh, I'm really happy that all of you are my friends and that I get to be loved by you and love you guys!!! I love you guys beyond words!

Dorm Room 101

2005-08-20T21:30:00.000-05:00

Hey guys! Well, I finally got my computer configured with the campus system, so I have internet back...oh happy day. These past two days have been a whirlwind adventure. Friday morning we woke up, went and got my roommate from the airport and came here and started checking in...it took us 3 carts and 4 trips to get everything from my van up to the 10th floor of the tower...phew! And then we went shopping to get some last minute stuff that Corey, my roomamte, needed and then came back and started organizing!! Well we couldn't do much because the beds weren't going to be lofted until Saturday, so our room was a hazardous area to be in until 2:30 today. Oh, and before that Corey and I braved the forces and got on the metro to do to Target, Bed Bath and Beyond, and Best Buy! That was interesting...especially carrying 3 HUGE bags back from the metro station onto campus...(Note to self...never do that again!) But, we got everything pretty much organized...I'm still working on wall decorations (AKA, pictures of everyone) but I wanted to let you guys see what my room looks like!
My closet..yep, it looks fairly organized. On the floor are all my shoes piled high on each other and there's a three-drawer storage container that my hamper is sitting on.
Doesn't that reef just look so pitiful all by its lonesome!?!?! It wishes it had a mate just as much as I wish it had its match! My dresser and everything in the world thats piled on it! Notice all the pictures up! I've got pictures of my awesome ukrainian friends up as well as some others. My towels, wraps, purse, and tote are all hanging up as well as my shower tote. And then all those other things that make me beautiful (haha) are sitting on the dresser!
Desk! My lovely laptop and printer that I love so much (thanks Momma!) Beautiful pink lamp, and you guessed it...more pictures! The "Radooga 2005" picture frame is still empty because the stupid thing at Target wasn't on so I couldn't print out some Radooga pictures! At the very top is all the food that I continually snack on because i have yet to eat a meal in the dining hall (just been too darn busy!)
Yay! Our beautiful beds...mine's the one of the right!
My bed and lounging area/storage area underneath
The top of my bed...isn't it beautiful?? Also featured: My Radooga prayer calender!
And last but not least, my lounge and storage area! My calender hasn't quite been put up yet, so its hanging out on the chair, and the walls are still kinda bare, but I'm going to fix that now.

Well, guys, this is my home for the next year...can you believe it!?!?! I miss you guys so much all ready, pray for me because I'm already a little discouraged...everyone's pretty much out partying right now, but I'm gonna go work on pictures and quiet time...I need all the time I can get with God. I can't wait to meet people from Campus Crusade and make some Christian friends. And, guys, please dont take this as a post that I hate Miami, because I dont! I love it! Its gorgeous and everyone is so friendly! I love talking to the people, I just dont want to party with them. But, I'm going to find Campus Crusade tomorrow, so wish me luck and keep me in your prayers. I love you guys, let me know how I can pray for you :-)

Privyet from Miami :)

2005-08-18T16:44:00.000-05:00

Wow, that was quite possibly the longest trip in the whole world...at least on a plane you can get up and walk around...in a car you don't so much get that option. Well, I'm sitting here in the lobby of my hotel because I paid money to get on the internet to look up the special parking instructions for tomorrow but I can't get to the website because its a .pdf file...so I decided to update my blog!! I made it safe and sound, and let me tell you what, I am very excited to be here! This feels right, guys! Thanks for all the prayer and support...I miss you all already, but I know I'll be talking to you all soon! Just wanted to give you a little update! Tomorrow I move in, so I'll be back online and I can talk to everyone (ICQ is calling my name, Calyn!) Well, I can't wait until tomorrow when I can talk to everyone...I love you all...I'm going to check my mail now :)

I love you all so much

2005-08-16T20:36:00.000-05:00

This may sound a little like de ja vu because it will sound a lot like Tamara's, but this is very much my own words and my own heart. I'm sitting here at 9:30 PM on Tuesday realizing that this is the second to last 9:30 PM that I will have in Tallahassee before I leave. ONE more day...thats it...one...whoa... This time tomorrow I will have said good-bye to almost everyone and will probably have cried more in one day then I ever though possible! Outwardly, I'm ready to go...I have almost everything packed and although my room is pretty bare and kind of sad looking, I think I everything I'll need to survive in Miami (I mean, hey! I have my bathing suit!) But, inwardly I feel like I'm not. I'm not ready to leave my sweet friends, I'm not ready to leave my kids, and I'm not ready to leave my church. But then God reminded me about the truth Louie spoke at camp: Its not about me! Yes, its OK that I'm sad, but its not OK that this sadness consumes the fact that God is going to use me and grow me in a mighty way in Miami. He reminded me of the privilege I get to be used by Him in Miami. Isaiah said it perfectly: "I am a man of uncleaned lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the Lord Almighty!" God used Isaiah, a sinful man, to see Him and to be His vessel for His words and deeds. And God wants that from me...sinful Nicole to be used as His vessel in an awesome way in Miami. And for that I am excited. I'm still sad to be leaving but I just want to let you guys know that I love you so much! Thank you for letting me be a part of your lives these past few years. You guys have become one big family to me and I value each of your lives and your friendship. I have watched you grow, struggle, and fall more and more in love with your Savior and it has been such a privilege. You guys have seen me through thick and thin and never given up on me and for that I thank you! Now, just because I'm not going to see you everyday, or even every week, doesn't mean that I dont still want to be a part of your life! You guys have all my contact stuff and if you dont, ask someone. Email me, write me, IM me, call me! I want to know how God is changing you and using you! Let me know how I can pray for you because I love prayer and I love being able to pray for my family. And please, pray for me...I am moving on without friends and without family to a place that I've never been to...I need prayer! If you hope on over to Tamara's blog you can read an amazing Mark Schultz song that pretty much explains my heart! So, as I prepare to say good-bye to you guys, or already have said good-bye, remember how much I love you, that you are in my prayers, and to never loose your fire for God. Let Him grow you everyday! Actively seek after Him! He will NEVER let you down! I love you guys!

Wakulla Springs

2005-08-15T14:20:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry girls, I have to say it...today was my last Wakulla Springs trip before I leave to go to Miami, which means its my last Wakulla Springs trip until summer time! But, I couldn't think of two better people to spend my day with then Calyn and Jenna!!! Sorry you guys couldn't come with us, but I'll take you through our day:

Meet one of the four viscious squirrels trying to attack us as we ate the yummy peanut butter and jelly sandwichs (great idea Calyn!) Calyn decided to feed them some peanut butter so they wouldn't be quit so mean. One of them somehow managed to out muscle Calyn (you know, there's a gym on the FSU campus ;)) and run up the tree with one of our knives (hey, didn't your mother ever tell you not to run with knifes!). This one really wanted to take our knife, but Calyn resisted!!!
Oh, sure...it looks innocent
At least the squirrels have enough manners to clean the knife before they hurl it down the tree at us...twice
Dont stop endorsing me Calyn!!! I'm sorry my shutter speed is stupid!! This is Calyn getting ready to do a back flip! Just look at the perfect form!!!
Me and Calyn!!! Я так люблю тебя!
дженшка!!!! I love you, chika!

Reasons why I love Calyn and Jenshka:

Because they get just as excited about the most amazing place in the Western Hemisphere as I do
Because Calyn speaks Russian to me in hopes that very soon I will understand her
Because they cry when they pray for me
Because I get to pray with them and for them
Because we all miss Ukraine and Radooga just as much as the other
Because we never ever tire of doing the camp dance
Because Calyn always comes to me and talks to me about Radooga stuff and Radooga people and we laugh and cry and miss them equally
Because Jenna and I procrastinate together
Because we all love acting
Because even though none of us sing as well as Tamara, we all bust out in song sometimes...especially "How Great is Our God" after repentance night
Because I am really just now getting to know them
Because Calyn told me last night "I dont want you to leave! I feel like I'm just getting to know you"
Because they cook Ukrainian food with me into the wee hours of the night
Because of their love for God and for people
Because I don't have to worry about loosing their friendship despite the distance
Because Calyn invited us to go to Ukraine
Because we'll all be back together next summer in Ukraine
Because we all got so much closer 6000 miles away from home
Because we all feel so much at home in Ukraine

Ok, I'm going to stop now because the list will go on and on. Just know how much I love you guys!!! Call me, email me, write me, IM me often!!!! Thank you all for your friendship. Know that I treasure each one of your friendships and that I have full confidence that we're going to grow closer together this year! I'm going to continue to let you be a part of my life and I pray that you'll let me a part of yours! I love you all!

I miss

2005-08-14T01:15:00.000-05:00

So, its after 2 and I'm sitting here thinking about how awesome Ukrainian food night was and how much it makes me miss Ukraine. So, I decided that I just needed to write about all the amazing things that make me miss Ukraine so much so that you guys can realize a little bit more how awesome it is and how you need to go next summer! Plus, I'm hoping it'll make me feel a little bitt less sad.
I miss...

The princess voice
Being "psychiatrically" evaulated by Sergey on the last day and having my "psychiatrist" come to the conclusion that I just need to stay and that would fix all my problems
Talking to Andrey all the way through "The Last Samuri"
Aloosha's hugs
Elusha's hugs
Hearing "Privyet Yulya" every few seconds
Being loved enough to be renamed a Ukrainian name
My Crimea girls! I love you all
My English class...you guys are so amazing
Radooga massage school
Crying so hard because God is so amazing
Veronica's hugs
Knowing that Veronica cares enough about me to threaten me with the hospital
Listening to Roma tell jokes
Roma's neck massages
Mama Oleg!!!
Fizzy candy
Lena's hugs
Andrey teaching me Russian
The steps of building one
Laying out in the sun on the steps of building one with Nikita and Andrey and Raynor
Sharing testimonies
Hearing Sergey yell "Nicole!!!!" when I walked into the auditorium after being in Kyiv the whole day
The guys (Sergey and Andrey) keeping their promise that they would be back by the time that I got back from Kyiv
Praying after repentance night
Worship zone
PARTY ZONE!
The camp dance
Sitting with Andrey in complete silence and yet it not being ackward at all
Watching the students arrive!
Dance parties
"Fighting" Sergey the worship leader
Spikey hair
Making fun of Dennis for changing clothes 3-4 times a day
Drinking tea with Dennis
Being woken up by Nikita at 3 in the morning
The look on Andrey's face when he realized that Tiffany hadn't gone to the bathroom but was instead standing out in the hallway with us...
Fellowship
Talking to Marina
Singing Russian even though I didn't know what it meant (hey, at least it was praise and worships songs!)
Feeling loved so unconditionally that you never want to let the person leave your sight
Seeing Yulya again and making her realize that we were going to see each other again
Bonding so quickly
Crying because of the amazing friendships I made
Dennis's cereal
Dennis's generosity
Katya's tea and honey! I owe you one big, girlie!
Running around the metro station with Vita trying to find a coffee cup and a cake
that Tiffany and I were on the same page every morning when the alarm went off
Not caring about not shaving my legs!
Assault with a deadly banana
Dr. Dima's drug "parties"
Big Oleg's sense of humor
that Oleg Jr would talk to me in Russian knowing that I didn't understand him
Anya because she's the best translator ever!
Talking to Deb
Not being afraid to be me
Not worrying about looking pretty
Chernobyl mosquitos....NOT!!!!!!!!!!
Being watched through the window
Praying with Veronica
How silence between two people somehow says it all...
Sergey's hugs
Andrey's hugs
My South Carolina peeps
TIFFANY!
Feeling so completely at home 6000 miles away
Veronica telling me she would take me to her apartment and tell her mom she found a new sister

Now despite all the things I miss, here are some of the cool parts about being back

Seeing all my American friends again
Being able to read street signs
Drawing closer to my Ukrainian friends even though we're 6000 miles apart
Praying for them
Praying with Andrey for a common goal
Pictures!
That Andrey will wait to send me an email until morning just to tell me "Good morning, Nicole"
That we have completely access to email
Praying for Radooga everyday
Drawing closer to my sweet Jesus as I draw closer to my sweet friends
Anxiously awaiting new news from Ukraine
The anticipation for the next email :)

Ok, so you guys get the idea..the list could continue forever! I loved every moment of the two weeks that I was in Ukraine and if I could multiply that 2 by 24 thats how many week I would want to be in Ukraine!

Ukrainian Food Night :) (The fruits of our labor!)

2005-08-14T00:26:00.000-05:00

You would've thunk the boys got bored or something! Poor James laying on the couch watching TV, Ian petting the dog...while the girls slave away in the kitchen! Where's the justice!?!
And finally!!!!!! We get to eat! Oh happy day! Can you tell that Calyn, Jenna, and I are more excited than Ian about Ukrainian food?
Calyn and I take time from devouring the food it took nearly 3 hours to make to smile and show the love!!!
The whole spread!!! Lettuce, Cabbage, Cucumber, and Tomato salad topped off with sour cream, borsch (soooo good), beef pelmeni completely with sour cream for dipping and your choice of pepper or pineapple ketchup (oh, how I love that stuff...Lori, send more our way!), and 3 hot cups of tea...the guys didn't really get that one! Also not shown on the table was the blueberry and blackberry vereniki...very yummy!

To recap: Tonight was amazing. We were cooking from about 8:30 until 11:30, but it was well worth it. Everthing turned out better than we had thought it would! And it was a time to reflect back on Ukraine and Radooga...brought back great memories and for a few moments we got to pretend that we were back in Ukraine with all those we love so much! And, we got to talk to Carli for a while which was awesome! We miss you guys so much! I can't wait to be back in Ukraine with all of you! I've been praying for you guys daily and please remember that I never stop thanking Jesus for you! Keep me updated on all thats happening in your life so I can rejoice with you and pray for you as needed! I love you all!!! Can't wait to be back in Ukraine!

Ukrainian Food Night :) (Preparation!)

2005-08-13T23:49:00.000-05:00

Well, guys! Tonight was the first ever Calyn, Jenna, and Nicole Ukrainian food night! I must say, we were a little nervous at first because none of us had ever really cooked Ukrainian food before and we wanted to do it justice!!! So, here are pictures from the almost 4 hour long preparation time that it took us to make some seriously delicious food

Ian found this awesome hat in my van on the way to Wal*Mart to buy the supplies, so he decided to put it on! I think it works, how about you?
Almost all the ingredients necessary to make a 4 course Ukrainian meal...Lettuce, cabbage, and tomatoes for the yummy salad (not present, cucumbers), beets, red cabbage, normal cabbage, beef buillon, tomatoes, and tomato paste for the borsch(yummy!), blueberries and blackberries for the yummy vereniki, and pork which we decided not to use for the pelmeni!! Yum!
Calyn hard at work making the yummy cucumber, cabbage, lettuce, and tomato salad. Delicious served to taste with sour cream!
Jenna loves working in the kitchen if she gets to cut potatoes with a dull knife! These went in the delicious borsch we made
Working together in the kitchen is fun!! Notice that Jenshka's the only one that didn't get the Russian T-shirt memory! Calyn is beautifully adorned with the 2004 Радуга shirt and I have my Так! Ющенко shirt on! Poor Jenna!!! Here we are all diligently working on the borsch! That stuff was hard to make
Bet you didn't know you could brown floor!
While everything is simmering and/or sitting Jenna and I take time out to laugh at Ian behind the camera
Hmmm...so, we were really trying to seperate egg yolks from the whites without a seperator. Egg whites are really disguisting!
The pelmeni dough and vereniki dough...Uh oh, I wonder which one is which...
This would be the kinda sketchy pelmeni dough! Poor Calyn!!!

We must explode for Christ

2005-08-13T03:49:00.000-05:00

Да! It is almost 5 AM and I am sitting here making a post. But, tonight was an awesome night and I for some random reason am not at all tired (oh dear...Calyn, I think the crazy people are wearing off on me!) so I decided to stay up and post instead of pursuing sleep at the moment. Well, lets see...tonight we went to the Stringer's house and played games and watched some Disney movies. It was very cool. Moods is a fun game...I highly recommend it. And we watched Mulan and The Little Mermaid...both excellent classics. But the real fun came about 2:45 AM when we drove up to the church...

You see tonight was a meteor shower, so we decided to go watch it. It brought back old memories of Ukraine and in memory of Jake, Diane decided to give a brief synopsis of the amazing talk he gave the last night while they were watching stars. To be brief...we are all just like stars...floating out there, until we decide to EXPLODE for Christ, and thats when people take notice and just can't help but say "WOW!" And then to liven things up a bit I reminisced a little about Roma translating the "Feather, Snowflake, Piano" joke but Calyn and Jenna weren't there with me so it wasn't near as funny because I was the only one with the image of Roma during the "piano" part stuck in my head! Great times!

But, yes, it was amazingly cool to watch the stars. Sitting atop the hill in all its serenity made me realize that I rarely take the time to admire God's creation. I mean, the stars are always up there, just twinkling away doing what they do for Christ and I don't take the time to be amazed at the glory that they're giving God. To watch the comets explode and the shoot off into nothingness was absolutely breath-taking. Sometimes its so hard to imagine that Christ would allow me the great pleasure of getting enjoyment out of His creation giving HIM glory. While sitting all alone of the hill because Kenley had left, everyone else was down on the wooden platform, and Mrs. Linda was asleep in the car, Tamara and I were talking about Louie Giglio's speech about how beautiful starts are when they die. How true it is...we just spent a little over an hour staring at starts dying and were absolutely blown away by the breath taking beauty of it all. And to think, if we die to ourselves we can have that same beauty...a beauty that comes from glorifying our Lord and Savior. Thats what I strive for! I hope and pray that you are striving for the same thing in your lives. Its a very personal decision! It's not something I can make for you, or your parents, or Todd or anyone else...no matter how much we want to. It has to be you willing to say "Jesus, my life doesn't matter if You're not scripting it into Your eternal story. I die to myself today, Jesus...Make me part of Your story...Use me in awesome ways..." How I pray that you will all make that decision and be part of a never-ending story instead of one that is going to die the moment you die. Be used for Christ's kingdom and not your own limited gain. If you start exploding for Christ, people are going to take notice and be wow'ed by the light that you radiate!

Random Lessons learned today

2005-08-11T17:32:00.000-05:00

Apparently I subconsciously know Russian...because I woke up singing one of the worship songs from Radooga and now I can't even remember the words! Oh how I wish I could tap into my subconscious brain and learn Russian!
I am the BIGGEST pack rat ever! I have somehow managed to downsize my room by about half without even getting rid of anything that I like and/or need
Babies don't know the difference between strangers that are nice and strangers that aren't...they just introduce the whole family to anyone they see :-) (oh, how I love my maddy!)
Some people still didn't know that I am moving to Miami
My dreams are very weird...especially the ones about Ukraine...(maybe thats why I was singing Russian songs when I woke up)
Its very sad when all the regular bloggers leave...all I have to do while "checking" blogs is listen to the Ukrainian national anthem on Calyn's blog!

and finally....

singing Russian songs and dreaming about Radooga makes me really wanna have the Funky Chicken/Ukrainian food night with Jenna and Calyn!!!!

1.5 hours, a strong straightener, and a little faith

2005-08-10T19:45:00.000-05:00

Well, guys! I finally got smart and figured out how to put pictures on my blog (thanks for the hint Calyn!) So, I thought I would share with you what was quite possibly the 3rd best night in Ukraine (after repentance night and the last night we were there). No one else has the pictures but me, so I know they're not posted on Jenna or Calyn's blog. So, sit back, relax, and get ready for a GREAT story:

We enter on Roma, a very smart technical guy with a massive amount of hair, very curly hair, mind you. To give you a picture of just how long his hair is, its about my length when its curly. On a whim one night, maybe because all the summer staff was gone and we were bored after everyone went to bed, I decided "hey, why not straighten Roma's hair...that would be interesting." Roma was much obliged and gladly consented to the straightening idea. (He had no idea what he was getting himself into)

So, onto the long process...

Well, of course, I had to blow dry it first because Roma had to take a shower before he got all beautified and stuff...which made the process even longer.Just look at poor Roma, he just had to sit in that chair and do nothing while I worked diligently at straightening his hair.

It was definitely a fun night...Andrey stole Raynor's pillow and put it in his shirt:

I was offered many delicious Ukrainian treats of which I would take one bite of each and sneaky Nikita would come steal the rest of it. And then FINALLY, after much toil and labor, the unaccomplishable was accomplished! Roma's once curly hair was subject to heat and dedication, and it was straight:

Hey Jenshka and Calyn: Look at the very back of the room...classic picture of Dennis...with tea cup in hand!

Oh happy day!

2005-08-09T11:36:00.000-05:00

So....I went to the doctor with my sister today :-) And I got to see the baby and its head and its foot...and I also found out that in December I will be the proud aunt of a beautiful baby BOY!!!!!! I'm so excited! I love little baby boys, and baby girls, but I already have my beautiful Madison, so I wanted a little nephew that I could snuggle up with too!

God

2005-08-07T22:33:00.000-05:00

I dont even know how to begin this post, so I'm just going to dive in and pray that this makes even a little bit of sense...

God has just been so good to me lately. This entire past year I have been pretty dormant in my walk with Christ. I got pretty close to God last summer while I was in Panama because of certain situations that happened right before I went off to Panama but when I came back life went back to normal. Forgive me, guys, if I lead you away from God by acting like I still had it all together when on the inside I was a completely different person. I've worked for many years to take off the mask of wanting to look like a "perfect" Christian and its one of the hardest things to do. I have to continually remind myself to do it daily. I think its about time to throw away that stupid mask! But, despite the fact that I haven't been walking closer to God, God has definitely been walking closer to me and it never ceases to amaze me that even when I don't audibly call His name, He's right there teaching me more and more about Him. But, God really moved me these past few weeks in a completely new direction in my life and I wanted to share a little bit about it with you.

First, God has given me a new heart for people in my generation. I have always worked with younger kids and I've always loved it. Four and five year olds are the most amazing kids EVER and I love love love working with them. So, because I am always working with the kids, I rarely get time to work with the people in the youth group. But lately God has been showing me that He has given me my testimony for a reason and thats to reach people that are my own age. I used to be ashamed of my story because it is a far cry from those "I grew up in a Christian home got saved when I was 8 at a christian camp" stories although there is nothing wrong with those testimonies...its an awesome testimony to God's protective nature. Lately, though, I've realized that my story is a story of serious forgiveness. I've messed up so many times in my life and yet each time God takes me back. And the situations I went through when I was younger were ones that many face...they were stories of temptation, insecurity, rejection, and "looking for love in all the wrong places." But now that God has redeemed my soul and awakened me to a new life, I have such a heart for my generation...especially when it comes to sexual temptation and a life of purity because that is the area in my life that I struggled with the most. God has equipped me with an amazing story of forgiveness and grace that I would love to share with you guys sometime, all you have to do is ask. My friend told me in Panama last year after I shared the story of my trampled heart with him that he knew God was going to use my story in a mighty way and that one day, when I was speaking to youth all around the world about God's greatest love story that he wanted to come hear it. Well, I just kinda blew that conversation off until I realized that God was calling me to public speak about His love story, the one that He has planned for each of you.

God has also made me realize how important it is to live like I'm alive. He has made me alive in Christ because its only through Christ that I actually have a life, so I need to be living more like I'm alive (wow, I feel like I'm starting to sound like Louie Giglio). Bottom line, in order for us to live like we're alive in Christ we cannot have the same life-styles as the world. We are called to a higher standard because we have Christ in us. You really have to die to your old lifestyle... My family group at camp did an awesome illustration (Thank You, God, for using me in this illustration) where we had a stick that represented life...from the beginning of time till eternity and we all placed dots where our lives would be in God' story. Well, then the kids in my family group got pretty mad at me because i broke the stick where the last dot was and told them that this part of the stick didn't matter if we were only focused on ourselves because that dot was going to end as soon as we died. God wants us to step out of the little dot that is our life and accept the invitation to be in His story. So, my family group made a decision...whether or not to let me throw our little dots in the trash and accept a role in God's story, or hold onto our little dots. Which decision would you have made??

The list of things that God has shown and revealed to me in my life the past few weeks has just been amazing! I could go on and on and on, but I'll spare you such a long post. I'll just leave you with a portion of a prayer that I wrote down the other night:

God, what a calling You have given me on my life! Thank you for calling me back to Ukrainian missions. I'm so excited and I'm so ready to go. How my heart longs to be back in Ukraine! Thank You for changing the desires of my heart away from the worldly things I once longed for and towards the hearts, lives, and well-being of Ukrainian students. I willingly accept Your calling. Make me patient, Lord. Help me to continue to pursue what You have called me to do in Miami. Make the timing right and perfect. Bring all the details together. Thank You for blowing my mind today! Thank YOu for reaching our students the same way You met the needs of over 100 students over 6000 miles away. You never cease to amaze me. THank You that You are so amazing. Help me to live my life in such a way that I never forget that truth. I love You, God. Amen

Did God want us at Radooga?

2005-07-29T07:24:00.000-05:00

The answer: A very blatant YES! And he was going to prove to us without a shadow of a doubt that He was God and that He alone could do amazing things, not by anything that we could do, but by His power alone.

For a while we thought that maybe, afterall, we weren't going to get to go to Radooga. Everything seemed to be going wrong. I sat for over 2 hours waiting to get a Hepatitis A shot just to be told that the nurse didn't talk to the doctor about administering the shot. I was then informed by Shandra that if I didnt get my forms in in an hour that they would not be mailing my tickets. Needless to say my form wasn't complete (due to lack of shot) and it wasn't notarized. Now, Linda wasn't at the church so I had some serious problems, along with the fact that Shandra thought the form needed to be signed by my parents. Well, she called Student Life back and was told , in fact, that it didn't. So I rushed to a bank, got the forms notarized, and got it to her like 5 minutes before 5. One less thing to worry about. Great, now all I have to do it pack for 2 weeks, plan English lessons with Jenna, and get a stinkin' hepatitis A shot...in two days. Day 1, I get my shot...praise God! Thats done! And go shopping a little bit for Radooga. Day 2...packing packing packing! Oh, and Jenna and I planned all our English lessons (all 10 of them). Yes! Things seem to be coming together. Maybe God does want us in Ukraine after all!

Uh-oh...the tickets aren't even here! What the heck! We can't go anywhere without tickets. Well, needless to say, Student Life mailed them to the wrong address and dubbed Diane "Elizabeth." But, the tickets finally arrived the day before we left and we got "Elizabeth" through customs without any problems!

Travel day...get a call from Todd saying "Nicole, you need to be at the airport in 20 minutes." Definitely thought he was joking, he wasn't! Uh oh, thats a problem...20 minutes, hmmm, right. Again, I'm thinking...am I really supposed to be in Ukraine? Again, God shows me that YES, go to Ukraine...we made it on our flight to Cincinnati even though the flight left 2 hours earlier than we had originally thought. So, now we meet up with the SC part of our team and board the plane to Paris. Yes! We're making it out of the country! Well, you guys know the story...we get stuck in Paris. Now the SC team is asking: "Does God really want us in Ukraine?" The answer? Again: YES! I later came to realize Paris was more than just fun, it was a blessing. Instead of getting to Ukraine at 2 PM and thinking its 7 AM and jumping right into orientation, we had time to get use to the time change.

So we make it to Ukraine! Praise God! Well, the night before the campers arrive we get some pretty drastic news. The Ukrainian youth leader that was supposed to be speaking couldn't come. GREAT! So Paul, the pastor from the SC group stepped up to the plate. Now, I'm thinking "God, how is a man that didn't even know he was going to have to do this going to be able to prepare for 6 days of speaking about freedom?" The answer...not Paul, Me! God reminded me that He wanted me in Ukraine and although I thought that it was so spur-of-the-moment that Paul wasn't going to be able to reach anyone, God showed me that He can, and will, use anyone that He so chooses. And God did touch people...He touched over 100 Ukrainian students! How amazing.

And, finally, to add to the chaos, God showed His power in the English classes. The night the students arrived we had our all famous meeting in the American office and Veronica told us there were 13 pre-beginners (and about 6 groups planning on teaching pre-beginners) so everyone was moved up. I'm thinking "Great, these kids are going to know so much and they're going to hate us because we'll be so boring 'cause they'll know everything we're going to teach." You guessed it...WRONG AGAIN! God did amazing things in our English class and we had so much fun and we played games (Uno is a hit by the way) and just hung out and built relationships. I cried saying good-bye to every single on of them. I can't wait to see them all again next year!

Thank You, God, for having Your hand on this trip. Thank You that You wanted me in Ukraine. Thank You for letting me be small so You could work out all the details of the trip. Thank You for showing me and reminding me of Your awesome power. Thank You for being so awesome. Thank You for loving me and chooses me for Ukrainian missions!

Ukraine

2005-07-28T10:00:00.000-05:00

Well, I put off posting for a while because there was just sooooo much I wanted to say and didn't really know how to go about saying it and not making this like a five page post. So, I decided to split it up into sections. So, even those the day that I'm going to talk about happened much later in the week, I really wanted to start with this day because it was what we had been working towards all week....repentance night. Many of the students that come to Radooga come because its an English language camp but by the end of the week realize that it is so much more. Repentance night is what the American team and Radooga staff had been praying for all week. The group of Ukranian students that was there during camp 5 was a very interesting group. Far fewer of them were Christians than we had previously expected and so we didn't really know what to expect on repetance night. But we prayed...and thank you guys for praying for us. If I still had a few doubts about the power of prayer lingering in my heart, everything changed that night. It was a very mellow night compared to most other nights during evening program and Paul, the youth leader from the SC group that was with us, was speaking about the freedom that we gain from turning our lives over to God. So, he was explaining the steps to become a Christian...and I definitely dont even remember what exactly he was saying because I was praying harder than I had ever prayed before. He then called all the youth ministers and counselors to come forward and continued to tell the students that if they feel God speaking to them to come forward and pray with one of the people at the front when he had finished speaking. Well, I zoned back in there because I specifically rememeber him saying "sergey is going to come out and play and if you feel God speaking to you come forward when I'm done." Well, he hadn't even finished and out of the corner of my eye I see one student get up, and then another, and then another. And you all know me, I cry!!! So I just started to cry and I had to turn away and start praying again. Well, the next time I looked up more than half the seats in the auditorium were empty. PRAISE GOD! Over 100 students had left their seats to come forward and accept Christ as Lord of their life. I dont think there was one dry eye on the American team that night. God answered all of our prayers and then just WOWed us by giving us so much more than we could ever expect. Thank You, God, for never ceasing to amaze me! Thank You for bringing me over 100 new Ukranian brothers and sisters. Thank You that I get to rejoice with them in heaven one day singing praises to You even if I never see them again on earth. Thank You for how you change lives. Thank You for letting me witness such an amazing thing. Thank You for never failing me. Thank You for being Lord of my life. I love You, Lord. (More will come later about how amazing God is and what He did in Ukraine!)

Breakaway

2005-07-02T21:44:00.000-05:00

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane,
far away (I will)
And breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
~Kelly Clarkson

My input: Please look closely at the red. Please dont ever think for one tiny speck on a dot of a crumb of a second that my decision to move to Miami was an easy one. So often I get the feeling that a lot of ya'll think it was a decisions that I made lightly; please realize how wrong you are. This took a lot of tears and prayer and personal time with God and I realize: Its my time to move on. Its my time to take a chance and make a change. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. I'm going in different directions from all of those that I hold so near and dear to my heart and it scares me so much. I dont want to say good-bye. I dont want to forget this place. Will you guys make a deal with me?? In August, will you take the advice Mrs. Laura gave me and not say "good-bye" to me...just say "see you later." I love you guys; and I'm always here for you guys no matter what! You can count on me and I WILL see you all later

Unveiled

2005-06-29T10:28:00.000-05:00

Well, last night was my first official time going to the Unveiled college gathering and I must say, minus the fact that I couldn't find my car (more on that later), it was so awesome. Ok, so about the car. Next to the Student Services Building there is a parking garage with 2 enterances. Now, for some reason I didn't think it was the right one, so I kept going to the 2nd enterance before I realized it was...so I turned in there and parked. But, after Unveiled I came out a different enterance than the one I went in and was on the other side of the parking garage but didn't realize it. So Daniel and I walked around for a while and Dave and the college peeps just kinda laughed. So, we finally got smart and went out the first enterance and walked back in the second one and found my car :-).

Ok, so now about Unveiled. Like Daniel said, Rusty being up there brought back good youth ministries days and it was just down to earth. I dont think I've had a worship experience like that in a while. There are so many distractions in my life, from just being plan busy, etc etc. that I don't really take the time to clear my head so that I can worship. So, yah, the worship last night was really cool. And then Dave talked about pride and how it ultimately leads to our destruction. It really hit home for me because so often I think that I dont need God because I can handle things on my own and Dave reminded us through the word last night that its that kinda thinking that ultimately leads to our fall. It was really cool just to be reminded of those simple truths. I think that I'm going to really start getting a lot more out of the colelge ministry than I have been lately. Now, don't get me wrong...I LOVE the youth ministry. Its what really drew me in the first place to my church. But, Todd is faced with the extremely difficult challenge of finding areas of discussion that can be applicable and understandable to a WIDE variety of ages and sometimes between the interruptions from the younger kids I have a tendency to tune out what Todd is really saying. So, being in a smaller group setting with people that are there because they actually want to be and not because their parents make them was such an amazing experience. I think thats probably what I'm going to like most about the college ministries is that people will be there because they want to with that freedom of being away from your parents and getting to make the decisions, rather than being forced to go and not really wanting to. So, all in all, I'm really excited about Unveiled even if its just gonna be for the semester (sorry Dave, I know you're still ticked off!!!).

College Stuff

2005-06-25T23:15:00.000-05:00

Well, yesterday was a pretty exciting day! It was my first official day of "college" shopping and although I didn't buy very much (I still don't understand why Target doesn't have very many good comforters right now) it was still exciting and got me realizing that I'm moving away to college very soon. Parts of this summer have gone by pretty slow, and then other times they speed by, but the really ridiculously busy part will start in a few weeks when we leave for Ukraine :-) because then I have like 3 days to wash all my clothes, repack them, and head off to camp. Then its time to come back and do some serious packing. Wow...I can't believe the summer's almost already gone. OK, back to the college stuff. It was even more fun to go shopping because I got to go with Melissa and so she was excited enough for the both of us. So, I bought my first official item: A coffee pot (very much the epitome of me) and then some dishes and of course a coffee mug. I got pretty excited about it. And once my duvet cover becomes available on Target.com I'll be able to buy that and then things will really start moving. There's so much to do...hopefully I won't get overwhelmed. Except I dont think this is such an overwhelming situation...its just really exciting :-). So yah, shopping with Melissa was awesome. Finally saw National Treasure; good movie. But, oh yah, pray for my sister guys...She had to have emergency surgery...she's fine, the baby's fine...it was just kinda a big scare for us all. Well, love you guys :-) See most of you tomorrow...camp guys, have fun

Someone seems to think I don't post enough

2005-06-21T23:22:00.000-05:00

Well, since someone seems to think I dont post enough...not to mention any names (Fred...), I shall make a new post. Since the last post, my frustration level has gone way down as I'm now able to walk again. For a second there I thought I might be falling apart because I woke up Sunday morning and my throat felt like it was on fire and my ankle was still swollen (hence, I wasn't at church). But, I slept the whole day and woke up Monday and felt very refreshed (I think perhaphs my body is telling me that 4 years of IB is still taking its toll) Well, Monday was lots of fun 'cause I went and got cool new glasses (I like them, they're red) and then went to Wakulla Springs with my niece and sister. Maddy LOVED it...We shall be going back quite soon if anyone wants to join. Having 'big people' around is always nice to keep you sane and go impress my niece by jumping off the high dive...We never made it that far over...she was too interested in the sand and butterflies. Word of Enlightenement (no laughing, either) had no idea there were sea (err...spring) shells at Wakulla Springs..guess I've never paid very much attention to the sand...too interested in the water. So that was Monday...WAY awesome.

Today (man, can't believe its only Tuesday even though its technically wednesday) was a good day. I was very lazy today and minus the 5 minutes it took to sweep the kitchen, did absolutely nothing constructive all day. Then Tamara and I went out to dinner at One. Very good place to eat...yummy stir-fry made-to-order (I think I should get advertising benefits for this one) Ever notice I interrupt myself a lot?? Ok, back to the story. So, then we decided to go shopping because we couldn't get a hold of granny to go to the hot tub. Well, we both issued self-restraint because we didn't buy a single thing at Gap (I'm prolly returning tomorrow though) But, then we made our way towards Payless which turned into a completely different story. We both walked out with 3 pairs of flip-flops but by far my favorite are the cool light-up children's green flip-flops we bought. Yes, we can still fit into kid's sandals, dont laught. They are absolutely amazing (I think the lady in Payless thought we were cRaZy). Well, then we didn't have much else to do and we remembered "hey, its 5o cent Tuesday at Movies 8" so we went and saw Hitch. Thats a stinkin hilarious movie!!!!I highly recommend it.

Well, thats all for tonight folks. Oh yah, 1 month and 28 days till I move to Miami :-) and 22 days until Ukraine...can't wait. Speaking of which, Jenskha, we should really start planning English lessons! WEll, love ya'll!

Frustration....

2005-06-18T11:48:00.000-05:00

Well, it seems to me that I always get hurt at the most inopportune time imaginable; and it makes me very frustrated. Thursday after VBS we were playing frisbee, which despite how hot and humid it was, was absolutely awesome. We were all working really hard and I think the teams were pretty much even. My team won the first time 10-3 :-) and so we decided that we'd play to another game of 10 and then call it a day and go swimming. Well, we start the second game and 3 scores into the game (2-1) I jump for a frisbee and land on my ankle not how it was supposed to be landed on. It soon becomes apparent to all players that I cannot move, so the game stops. So now, for all of you guys that haven't seen me in the past two days, I can barely walk on my ankle and then its more like a hobble. well, thats not really the frustrating part. I'm a gymnast (well, a retired gymnast) so I'm used to getting hurt, it was just the timing that was all wrong.

First, it happened the day of the VBS commencement ceremony. So, being in charge of a bunch of preschoolers was really rather interesting, especially seeing how I was trying to hobble between making sure my preschoolers were OK and helping with the motion for the big kids. So, thats frustration number one. Well, I got past that OK but realized my ankle was hurting way worse than it had to begin with (oh joy). Frustration number 2...I had no time to just sit down and let it heal. No time to put ice on it or anything. So, Friday comes and I wake up thinking "Oh great...I have 6 classes of preschool music to teach today and I can barely walk...this is just dandy." So, I somehow make it through all the classes and then clean-up time comes. This is where one of the biggest frustrations sets in. I feel absolutely useless. I can't move anything because I can barely put my own weight on my ankle, much less trying to move something back in the room. I couldn't help move chairs back in the joy dome or take out the trash or anything. There was so much stuff to be done and I was just sitting there because there was absolutely nothing I could do but sit. So, that made me really frustrated because I just felt so useless and I'm not used to sitting back and not helping out in whatever way I could. So, frustration number 5 comes when we are all done cleaning up because the youth are then free to play on the water toys. Yes, I attempted every one of them and found out that, no, I couldn't do any of them. That was really frustrating because all my friends were out there having a good time, and yep, I was happy for them...they looked like they were really having fun, but I couldn't be there with them and it made me super frustrated. So, I decided to leave instead of sitting there being frustrated and as I'm driving home frustrationg number---whatever one we're on---kicks in. I realize there's no way I'm going to be able to go to Aaron's birthday party. It's frisbee and swimming...neither one of which I could do and so I decided not to go just because I would probably get more frustrated (yep, there's that word again) just sitting there and watching everyone have a good time. So, yes these past 2 days have been full of frustrations because I can't do anything that I want to do. But, now that I've ranted a little bit, let me say "Happy Birthday Aaron" and end this post. Guys, pray that my ankle will heal quickly because I can't take much more of this and its only been almost 3 days!

Beach Blast

2005-06-14T23:44:00.000-05:00

No, not the real beach...I know...sad day! But, this beach blast is almost just as fun...sometimes. Monday started the who-knows-how-many-years annual VBS at Northwoods. The theme this year is beach blast, so thats really cool (I always like the beach) and this year is the first year they've ever let me do something different. Every year I've done it I was a line leader which is a lot of fun but it gets a little boring after a while. So, this year, they put me in charge of preschool music which is a lot of fun. I love music, so I'm right at home and the kids are awesome! They're so much fun to be around and its such a joy to watch them get excited about music. We played with instruments today, so despite the fact that I had a headache today, it was a lot of fun! I think all kids that age should be introduced to some form or another of instruments. When I was little it was actually my children's director that introduced us all to music, and I thought that was the coolest thing ever! That was where I first learned out to play flute and they are definitely the ones that really got me interested in music. I'm getting excited about the commencement ceremony on Thursday night because the kids have already learned 2 songs and they're doing soooo well. Its going to be hard to choose just one for them to do. I must say that most of the kids are awesome. We're really blessed with such an energetic, happy bunch of kids. I've heard the praise team is doing awesome on stage, so I'm excited for them because this is the last big thing I get to do with them before I move off to college. This was definitely a huge God moment because Thursday Alicia and I were both scared they weren't going to be ready and then at the last minute (Sunday afternoon, actually) everything just seemed to be pulled together and Alicia told me they've been getting a lot of compliments. I think this is going to be a good VBS and I'm hoping there will be many more to come (I'm sure there will be--just maybe not for me) Well, I need to actually attempt to get rest tonight because this morning I just couldn't get up!!! Love ya'll!!!

The Worst and the Best of Bike Trip '05

2005-06-07T18:42:00.000-05:00

Well, we've made it!!! We made it back, safe but very sore, from bike tour '05. I was so blessed to be able to go on this trip and see God work in amazing ways right before my eyes without even realizing it. Sometimes its just the little things that God does that make such an awesome difference. I'm thinkin' we should all take more time to realize the changes that God is making in people's lives, including are own. And Bike tour is definitely the way to do that. Although, its definitely not all good. So, here's my list of the worst and the best of this amazing adventure:

(worst) Mr. Robbin (and the internet) are very bad about calculating mileages.
(best) 19 hours of car rides go a LOT faster when you have good friends with you
(worst) Rocks and gravel REALLY make your butt hurt!
(best) Group 2 (Party of dos) rocked my socks the whole week
(worst) I didn't have any socks left at the end of the week (that was for you group 2)
(best) God prepared me amazingly well physically for this trip
(worst) My voice on the other hand, was not so much prepared
(best) 63+ miles goes a lot faster when you make up random songs to "Erie Canal" with Mr. Robbin
(worst) Going up a practically vertical hill after biking 63+ miles should never happen
(best) Nicole-sized sleeping bags make for very warm and cozy nights (thanks Paul!)
(worst) Exhaustion makes practically everyone irritable
(best) Realizing its better to talk about your problems then hold them all inside you
(worst) It gets really cold overnight in Maryland
(best) NO BUGS (although Jenshka may have brought one in her backpack ;-))
(best) Everyone becomes such an encourager on the bike trip
(best) People go above and beyond the call of duty, normally
(best) Listen to and accepting the Voice of Truth
(best) Getting to see the look on the girl's face at the Trouble Teens Campus after the performance
(best) Still being able to sprint up a hill with Janelle after 2 days of biking :-)
(best) HOT SHOWERS!
(worst) Waking up to a fire alarm going off in your host home (still not sure whether its because its "overly sensitive" or the mom really just couldn't cook ;-))
(best) Sharing everything and not worrying about hurting anyone's feelings
(best) Having Melinda around
(best) Praying daily with Alicia
(best) Making up songs with Group 2
(best) Not falling off the cliff on the trail
(best) Todd's dam jokes
(worst) Stupid band-aids that won't stay
(best) No serious injuries
(worst) The crazy fisher guy didnt even pick up the track
(best) Seeing how excited everyone was about handing out the track
(best) The reaction of the people we met after explain what we were doing on this trip
(best) Old people stories
(best) Learning that Todd is 5'6" and knowing "there is hope for him yet"
(best) 42 mile days ;-)
(worst) Backpack sweat stains (AKA sweet stains-that ones for you Paul)
(best) No flat tires for me :-) (Good job Calyn's bike--and you thought it was mad at me Nelle)
(worst) More flat tires in one day than should be possible
(best) Eating everyone 1.5 hours and not gaining weight
(worst) Eating everyone 1.5 hours out of habit
(best) Crying on Alicia's shoulder and not having her stop me
(worst) Crying on Alicia's shoulder in front of a bunch of old people and not having her stop me
(worst) Paul finally found the tickelish spot of my stomach
(worst) Thanks Janelle ^
(best) Still being able to laugh after a week of biking--even if you are being tickled to death
(best) Running back and forth between showers--in the guys' bathroom ;-)
(worst) Being held under the cold shower
(best) Having friends that care enough about your cleanliness to hold you under a cold shower ;-) (Or maybe they just dont want to smell you)
(worst) Smelling really nasty
(best) Collectively smelling really nasty
(best) Finding Zero-again
(best) packing up the bikes
(best) Site-seeing in our nations capital
(worst) Site-seeing in our nations capital

Yes, I'm sure the list could go on and on and on...but I'm sure you're sick of this list by now...so I'll stop. All-in-all, this trip was awesome. Despite its rough points, I wouldn't have traded it for anything...except maybe a good long bubble bath!

Almost weekend update

2005-05-28T02:30:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm going to do this now because tomrorow just isn't going to be my day to blog and then, well, I leave for the C&O canal. How awesome is that!?!?!?! So, today was a ridiculously busy week. Well, can we just say its been a ridiculously busy week? I hate feeling this busy...especially because I should be LESS busy since I dont have school. But, I'm pretty much home to sleep and thats about it. I've had something everday this week that has pretty much not allowed me to get anything done. But, back today...I woke up and remember "oh, yes, still haven't packed." Now, being the very generous man that Mr. Robbin is, he isn't making us get up tomorrow morning to bring him our bikes and stuff, but instead, today...at 2...yes, lets bring our stuff today...at 2 PM. So, here I am scrambling to pack and realize that I run out of EVERYTHING at the same time. So, quick run to the store! What else? Well, this quick run ends up in a run to 4 store which pretty much takes all day. then, all the t-shirts that I washed before the quick run never made it into the drier...its noon and my mom is still in bed, so I had to throw those in the drier and finish packing. Flash forward. Its 1 PM and I need to leave NOW to go get Alicia...but my shirts aren't dry. So, I take them out of the drier and lay them strategically all over the van to finish drying. Get Alicia, go run to the Reber house (got an awesome present for graduation...gracias) to get the bike, and run back to the church and still manage to make it BEFORE Mr. Robbin (how awesome is that?) So, we practice the musical for like forever and a day, but it gets us outta having to bike (sweet). Then, we tear everything down, have a pep-talk, pray, and now its time for me to change to go to the Stringer's house. So, I do. Go to the Stringer's house, have an awesome time, talk to people , eat, (chocolate raspberry cake), then we decide "Hey, lets go play some frisbee." So we leave, Janelle and I rock out to some Grits in the car and we play 3 very awesome games of Frisbee. Made me happy.We switch up the teams, so the first time wasn't fair at all (Sarah and David on one team...grrr....) but the rest were hard-core games and we were all sweating a lot. The myth that girls dont sweat is shattered when it comes to Northwoods chicks, or at least me and Janelle and prolly Sarah too. Wow, time flew when we were playing frisbee (as did the frisbee) and its 11:45 when we leave. So, I'm home now, its midnight and a half and I still have to finish packing, fix a rip in my dress for tomorrow, shower (which is actually gonna come first) and get some sleep. Tomorrow's gonna be an awesome day! I'm running up to the church to put some more stuff in my suitcase then Lauren and some other people are going to Wakulla Springs for the morning, just 'cause its fun. Then Daniel's graduation, Jenna's party and then my own graduation. Can you believe it!?!?!? I'm graduating. Finally...didn't ever think this day would arrive. And I got my IB done shirt which made me ridiculously happy!!!!! Well, thats about it. Sunday we leave bright and early...so don't expect me to post anymore for a week. Love ya'll...and I'll miss you lazy bums not coming on the trip :-( Have a fantabulous week :-)

Here's for you Mr(s) Anonymous

2005-05-26T00:06:00.000-05:00

Well, since my anonymous friend was so adamant that I post, here we go. Life has been so busy that it just seems like I have no time to post. This week is full on rehearsals, banquets, luncheons, etc etc and still trying to squeeze in some training in there. Thank goodness I have an amazing God or I wouldn't get through it at all. Tuesday was convocation which was so ridiculously boring and it wasn't even important that I was there because I didn't get my financial aids package from UM to my guidance counselor on time so they didn't even get to announce my awards. I am completley convinced that Rickards has it out for IB people. They bring us in to boost their FCAT scores and then we get absolutely no recognition for it. OK, here we go...just watch this... my guidance counselor tells me to bring in this stuff DURING IB exams. Now, I'm focused on one thing and one thing only those 2 weeks and thats IB....not getting stuff in to my guidance counselor so they can announce my awards. So, I've worked my butt off for 4 years to get the money that UM gave me and don't even get recognized for it. THEN, to make matters worse, for class ranks (summa cum laude, magna cum laude, cum laude, etc etc) Rickards decides to do it UNweighted to "give everyone else a fair advantage." And yah, I suppose I can see where they're coming from but having it unweighted takes me down from summa cum laude (where I would be if it were weighted) down to magna cum laude. The point of having this stuff is to see how hard we work and all the other schools do it weighted, but no...its not fair to the people that don't work their tails off for 4 years that they don't get as much recognition! Isn't that the point?!?!? We toil and labor and cry and sweat and don't sleep and fall asleep during school and scream and fight and study and eat straight coffee beans to stay awake and encourage each other to finish projects at 5 in the morning when we're all falling asleep (thank God for AIM) and it means NOTHING because we can't get our GPAs weighted. So, now, we've been in college-type classes for 4 years and don't even get recognized for it. If you can't tell...I'm pretty darn mad about it.

So today was fun because I went and got Cassie and Caitlin B. from school and we went to TCBY (that place is expensive) and then to Lake Ella. Cassie took a face dive into the lake which was kinda funny but it scared her a lot, so that was sad. THen we went back to the house and ate dinner. Sad thing was that Abbigail slept the whole time so I didn't get to play with her. That little girl is absolutely adorable. I'm sad that I don't get to see her grow up, but I just keep having to remember that I'm right with God and this is exactly where he wants me to be. Todd gave me the "fatherly" talk today about staying strong in college...it was actually kinda cool. Nice to have someone to actually give me that talk.

Well, there you go Mr(s) Anonymous. I posted. More will follow on Saturday probably...graduation is so close. I'm so excited!

Ouch, Ahhhh, and Ooo...thats pretty

2005-05-17T15:27:00.000-05:00

So yesterday was the great day of celebration that it was monday morning and Tamara and I were going to the beach instead of school. Well, no one else could come (which was super very much exciting...but my heart is picking itself up off the Northwood's parking lot and mending itself) so we decided just to go to St. George instead of Destin. We had so much fun except for the stupid horseflies. Those things are dumb. And me being not that smart didn't realize that horseflies existed at the beach...but apparently they do. So, Tamara and I spent a good portion of the day getting bit by horseflies and trying to kill them. We never succeeded although we did get a good laugh out of each other screaming and swatting at the flies. Yesterday was awesome because we really just got to relax. We got in the water a few times (the last time we decided against it 'cause we were cold) and it was so nice after you got used to it being cold. But we really just spent most of the day relaxing and reading...which did cause us to get a little burnt...me mostly on my back (go figure). But relaxation is so awesome after four years of IB...all those crazy stresses just kinda melted away because, for one, I actually got to read a book that I enjoy reading on my own time. It was so very nice. Of course, we stayed the whole day and watched the sunset which was pretty nice except it was cloudy to the west where the sun was setting so it wasn't as magnificent as it always was. All in all it was an awesome day and its good to just be able to relax for the whole summer. Oh, yah, and we made a list of our goals for the summer. I think my main goal for the summer, though, is to watch The Incredibles with the Kuders before Nelle leaves because I still haven't seen it and Jeremy and Nelle both think its just stupid that I haven't. Well, off to clean my room now that I have no excuses about being too busy! Love ya'll

Two Words

2005-05-15T16:38:00.000-05:00

Ever get the feeling sometimes things can just be so nicely wrapped up into exactly two words. Well, the last four years (very stressful, heart-wrenching years I might add) can be summed up in exactly to words:

I'M DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I officially finished my last IB exam and last day of my high school career on Friday. It was a great day. Such an easy exam...I'm so glad i know so much spanish because I wouldn't want to end high school on bad note. And then I got to celebrate. I partied hard too...let me tell you (except in a very relaxing way). And, yes, I am girlie enough to cry. I sat down to start the second paper of our spanish exam which would last 1.5 hours and I told Rachel "You realize in an hour and a half we'll be officially done...with high school." Is that not the greatest feeling or what? So, Rachel and I finished about the same time and looked at each other and started crying. 4 years of IB stress gone, done with, finito, finished, terminado, etc etc. It was one of the greatest feelings ever. Plus, I have 2 weeks to relax and do nothing before summer craziness begins. AND...I get to read books for leisure again. We're goign to the beach tomorrow which I'm wickedly excited about and then I'll probably just stay by my pool the rest of the week!!!! Dude, you can't even imagine the excitement I'm feeling. (Jenna and Daniel, you'll realize very quickly!!!!) I no longer even care really if I pass my IB exams because I'm done. I completed the curriculum and that counts for something!!! Ok, so now time to do a little dance and get back to work!!!!!! Love ya'll!

Graduation

2005-05-12T20:06:00.000-05:00

So I get home tonight after a very successful drama rehearsal and tell my mom that I needed her to write me out a list of people and addresses to send my graduation announcements to. So here response to this is "Oh, I've already sent them all out." She sent my announcements to all these people I dont even know in the first place or don't remember because I haven't seen them since I was like five and leaves me like 5 to give to the people in town that actually matter. Half the people she sent them to aren't even going to remember who I am and yet the people here arent even goin freakin' get announcements now. I wanted ONE thing in all of this and that was to be a part of my own graduation. She couldn't even give me that. She did this to my sister too doing her wedding announcements. I don't mind that my mom feels like she has to be a part of stuff, because she should, she's my mom... but to not let me even take part on in last things I'm going to do for high school is way beyond ridiculous. I just wanted to be able to get excited about graduation by filling out my announcements and sending them to people...and now I can't even do that. And it makes it like 10 times worse because I'm still stressed because of IB exams and stuff and so of course I got really angry and yelled at my mom and then went in my room and cried. It's so annoying being stressed out but even more annoying that my mom goes ahead and does these things without telling me. And to make matters worse the time for convocation is wrong and she didn't know it and sent them all off without putting the incert in there. Oh, this just makes me so mad and I wish it didn't. But it does. So, for all of you guys that I probably won't be able to send the announcements out to, Tamara's and my graduation is at 8 PM Saturday, May 28, 2005 at the Leon County Civic Center. You should all come. Thanks for letting me rant!

10 little fingers, 10 little toes, and some awesome friends

2005-05-09T02:38:00.000-05:00

I got to thinking today after my exam about how blessed I really am to have such great friends and family and how much they mean to me. How often I take advantage of you guys or just neglect to tell you how much I love you. So, here's my own list of things that I love in my life compliments of ideas thrown around by Amanda L.... (its gonna be long)

I love popsicle kisses
I love walking into my sister's house and seeing my niece run around the corner screaming "'Cole"
I love reading with my niece
I love that my sister is pregnant again
I love my niece's personality...even if she is a brat
I love how Emma K. will topple over any obstacle in her way to run and give me a hug and a kiss
I love going through the "haunted castle" with Emma just to make her feel safe again
I love that Cassie B. wanted Mother's Day to officially become "Nicole day"
I love to watch Cassie's facial expressions when she feeds the ducks
I love the enthusiasm of all my kids
I love that I can sit in Janelle's truck with her and she'll listen to me complain about anything without cutting me off.
I love coffee days
I love that no matter how many times Janelle and I go to Lake Ella we never remember to bring bread
I love that Janelle loves me even when I pretend like I hate her (even though I don't)
I love that school friends still think of Tamara and me as one person (a little odd, but very much a compliment)
I love that Tamara isn't afraid to correct me when I'm being stupid
I love that Tamara gives me space but is right there when I'm finally ready to talk
I love that Lori brought us food every month without missing a month for the an entire year
I love that Diane, Kenley, Lori and all the Rickards-Northwoods people get to have cement picnics
I love that Diane would come see me at Chick-fil-A and not buy anything
I love that Jenna loves frisbee and tells me I do a good job even when I play miserably
I love how Jenna can always come up with awesome and random games to play that entertain us for hours
I love that Jenna and I got lost in Monticello and had so much fun trying to get back
I love Paul's constant encouragement
I love that Paul celebrates with me when we manage to go 30 miles an hour down a hill
I love that Jake and I could make everyone believe we didn't like each other :-)
I love that Jake can always make me laugh
I love that Calyn and I can just look at each other during a particularly stressful drama practice and be thinking the exact same thing
I love that Calyn never gives up on crazy drama people
I love how Anna always includes me as part of her family
I love that Anna will never miss a chance to give me a hug and a kiss
I love that Melinda can always match my excitement in just about anything
I love that Kayla and I can have the exact same feelings about biking and still manage to push through until the end (stupid Old Bainbridge Rd.)
I love Aaron's high-fives
I love that Ian lets us call him "Lobster Lars" just because of a misprint of a word :-)
I love that Daniel danced ballet the other day at drama practice
I love how Daniel loves wearing pink
I love that Ms. Christine says I give good hugs
I love entertaining people at Village Inn just because we "sing really good"
I love Alec's hugs
I love that Rooine lets me steal his comfy chairs
I love watching friends sumo wrestle in fat suits
I love that Stephanie will cry with me on a particularly bad day and then go to ABC to make it better
I love that Rachel will match my desire to slack
I love that Karina and I get so excited about a super cool metronome/tone machine
I love that Shannon prays for me and tells me she loves me
I love how David is the first guy I've ever really been able to confide in
I love how Jeremy has become the little brother I never had
I love that Jeremy loves to sing Beach Boys with me on the way home
I love how much the Kuder family loves me :-)
I love how Mrs. Gail never misses an opportunity to give me a hug
I love how Emily and I got to play hide and seek through a glass door and she LOVED it
I love how most of my friends love to play frisbee

(More additions for those I didn't think about when I was thinking about school to much...sorry, I love you guys too)

I love running out of gas with Melissa
I love getting e-mails from Melissa about girlie things that no one else wants to here about
I love how Melissa isn't afraid to give it to me straight
I love how Todd always says "All right guys" in the same tone
I love how Megan never misses an opportunity to tell me that she loves me.
I love going to Atlanta and feeling right at home
I love how Hailey and I can keep up with each other through 6 times zones.
I love that my friends all rejoiced with me when I told them I got into the University of Miami, even if they were sad
I love that Jessica and I can randomly see each other after months and pick right back up where we left off
I love that Lauren always invited me to come spend weekends with her in G'ville
I love that Sarah loves frisbee
I love that Irina still gives me kisses like we're in Spain
I love that Irina and I can still talk about hot Spanish guys after a year

(I'm realizing more and more how blessed I am...thank you)

But most of all, I love you. You are the best. Please don't ever think that just because I don't say it enough that I don't love you. I'm guilty of overlooking my friends and just thinking that they know how much I love them. But I do...truely I do. I love you with everything thats in me!

Sumo Wrestling, Mosquito Nets, and X-Box

2005-05-08T19:34:00.000-05:00

Ok, so Friday night/Saturday morning was the Relay for Life and can I just say, despite the really really cold weather and the crazy dew that got EVERYTHING in sight wet, it was highly amuzing. The real fun didn't start until about midnight when everyone decided they wanted to go sumo wrestle in the field. Now, its awesome because the people provide these fat suits and its just so much fun to watch, because no one, save Taylor, can move in them. You just kinda have to hop around. Well, after many matches, and I must say Taylor and Vlad were the best because Taylor is so tall and Vlad is sooo short, we decided to head back to the mosquito net-tent thingie equipped with an X-box. I just watched so I fell asleep off and on. So, about 5 in the morning, we decided its probably time to go to bed, so seeing as how its really cold and we're still stealing power from the stage, Rooine decides to hop out the tent in his sleeping bag to unplug stuff. So he did, and we went to bed. Not 5 minutes later the coordinate guy comes on the stage in the fat man suit and starts screaming about some bad hair/best pajamas/best hat contest and since we're right by the stage and had just gotten into ridiculously comfortable positions we all get insanely mad and Tom and Rooine, being so lovely, start making fun of the guy. After a while he finally goes to away and we resume sleeping. So, about 6 he comes back talking about some egg toss contest. No, mind you, had it been like 7 or 8, wouldn't have been so bad, but we had all just fallen asleep about 45 minutes ago. So, again, we get mad. ANd this time the guy comes over to our tent and is like 'are you guys going to make fun of me all night or come play the game.' We're all kinda too tired to be nice, so he gets the drift and goes away (FINALLY). So, 6:30 marks the beginning of the karoke stage. Oh man, kids singing way off key to all the songs put on the "Most Annoying Songs Every" List (thats from Saturday's ride) and I just wanted to die. I've gotten 1.5 hours of sleep and i know I have to get up and bike in an hours and a half. So, I just decide to get up, as we all do, because no one can sleep through cats being strangled to death. We get up eat donuts, then I bike and come home and crash!!! I slept for so long and didn't even move. I didn't even bother to make it to my room. It was awesome! So, yah, that was my weekend! It was oddly horrible just because of how miserable it was. Why is was soooo cold in the middle of may, Ill never know and why everything got wet from massive amounts of dew is beyond me, but the memorize made of sleeping huddled together in lawn chairs to stay warm, sumo wrestling, and biking with awesome people after 2 hours of sleep wouldn't be changed for the world!!!

This officially starts week 2 of Ib exams. This week will be much better because, despite the fact that it also involves 6 papers, as did last week, its only one subject a day. English Monday, History Tuesday and Wednesday and Spanish Friday. I would much rather just have one subject a day instead of 2. It makes my life so much easier. And then after Friday, I'm done!! DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE!!!!! Too much excitement is building up. Last week went by super fast and I hope this week does the same!!!

"No more papers, no more books, no more teachers' dirty looks.."

2005-05-05T00:37:00.000-05:00

Well, almost. Tuesday was the beginning of the end of my high school career. Its really scary but so very much exciting. To explain: These two weeks (until next Friday) I have IB exams practically EVERY day. Now, IB exams are hard and serve to determine whether 4 years of crap and hard work have paid off (obviously not because I almost spelled paid wrong). These exams determine whether you get the diploma or not, the goal we've been working towards since 9th grade and also some awesome college credits. So, Tuesday I had part 1 of my calculus exam and today we finished it up. That means, no more math...at least until I go do my placement exam at UM. It's just exciting because that exam was stressful. And I got to celebrate today because I made it past my hardest day. 2 hours of calculus in the morning followed by a quick run to the Stringer's house to get Kyle and food (the question is...which is more important?) and then back for 3.5 hours of chemistry. Not a good day. Luckily I had a lot to pray about so I didn't fall asleep during church tonight.

So this is how my next week and a half look:
Tomorrow- FINISHED WITH CHEMISTRY!!!!!!!!!!! Part 1 of English (it'll be easy)
Monday- FINISHED WITH ENGLISH!!!!!!!!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY
Tuesday- Part 1 and 2 of History (should probably start studying for this)
Wednesday- FINISHED WITH HISTORY!!!!!! (Just serves to better prove that God exists ;-))
Friday (the 13th- but Tamara and my official favorite day) SPANISH!!! (Easier than English probably) AND THATS IT!!!!!! DONE! FINITO! Terminado! No more school.

Its so close yet so far away. I can taste it!!! It's awesome. And then.....beach!!!! Anyone thats homeschool or doesn't have school and would like to join, ask the Tammy and me more about it :-). Seems like a perfect way to celebrate being done. Then we get to have a burning party and burn all our tests!

Well, seeing as how I have chemistry bright and early at 8 AM tomorrow, I should might maybe possibly, yah its a good idea, go study.

My own change of heart

2005-05-01T20:40:00.000-05:00

Ok, so in my last post I talked about how I was really stressed out and just needed time to think. So, I did. I took the time I needed, and luckily it only involved a couple of days. I love how quickly God works in my life because otherwise, with my stubborn nature, I could be at this for months. Well, one of the most important things to me when I'm stressed and trying to figure something out is to dive into God's word and then just write whatever comes to mind. Usually somewhere along the pages I realize what the underlying cause of everything in my life is. So, thats what I did. Last week I was having my quiet time and reading in Proverbs 10. I came across verse 12 that says: "Hatred stirs up quarrels, but love covers all offenses." After reading this verse and realizing I had a heart of hatred instead of love...and so I just started writing. Now, I'm not going to give you the whole thing, but I'll share with you guys some of the things that I came to realize with God's help:

..."I'm supposed to be excited about leaving and moving onto the new things that GOd has planned for me and I'm not. I no longer want to move away. I'm afraid of change. I dont know how to handle moving away. I've made good friends with a lot of people that I've just recently come to know and I fear that our relationships aren't solidified to withstand the distance"...

..."Why now, after so many months of trusting God is all these situations am I suddenly starting to change my mind? Does it have to do with the friendhships? The money? My sister being pregnant? Why do I want God to change HIs mind. Why am I telling HIm that I know better than he does?...Will I not realize that GOd won't be proven wrong?"...

..."I dont know why I've suddenly desired to become the center of attention instead of focusing on others. Why do I want so badly that people focus on me? Why am I suddenly craving this attention? Is it because I need the reassurance that everything is going to be the same when I leave? I keep coming back to one conclusion and that is I'm afriad to leave."...

..."Is it really me thats pushing everyone away? Do I want to loose the friendships now so that my fear that I'll loose them while I'm in Miami wont come true?Why is it fair to push all my friends away and offer no explanation?"...

..." So, am I pushing them away because I want to face right now with no friends so conquring Miami won't be near as scary? Why won't I just go to my friends? Its not their fault I'm scared of the future. I can't take it out on them. they've been nothing but supportive of me."

..."I am being exlcusive in my own little world. I am not letting anyone get close to me anymore because I dont want to hurt anyone and I dont want to get hurt when August comes around."

God help me. I dont know where to begin. Thank you for revealing my own selfishness and pride in my life. Thank you for showing me where I was wrong and showing my why I was wrong and why I was acting the way I did. God, I'm scared of the future. I'mscared of what it holds and the unknown. I'm scared of not knowing my niece of nephew. I'm scared of loosing Janelle and Tamara and all my other friends. I'm scared of me changing and Tallahassee changing and everything changing but nothing changing together. I'm scared of student loans and not being able to repay them. I'm scared of loosing friends. I'm scared of the miles between us. I'm just so scared of everything. Comfort me, God, and help me to relate better to my friends.

So, there it is guys. My heart, open before you guys, my friends. I'm not going to say I'm not still scared of the future but I'm coming to realize that God's plans are sovereign and that He knows the amazing plans that he has for me...in Tallahassee AND in Miami. "For I know the plans I have for you, declared the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to bring you a hope and a future" Thank you guys, for supporting me and loving me.

I love you, but....

2005-04-24T20:36:00.000-05:00

...there is just currently too much stress in my life. First off, its caused by IB exams that are in one week and I haven't even started to study. But, mostly its the extra stress that is wearing me out. And this extra stress is coming mostly from the church and certain people within the church. Now, IB exam stress is inevitable. After 3 weeks that stress will be gone, but I have to get away from all the other stresses that are in my life because I can't concentrate of my IB exams and thus diploma anymore. And the only way I know how is to distance myself from the people causing me the most stress. Thats going to mean a few changes in my life for the next couple of weeks. I love you guys and I haven't given up on you, I promise; I just need time away (Think of it as my sabbatical) . So, just so you know, these are the things that are going to be changing for the next 3 or 4 weeks:

No more Wednesday bike rides with you guys. I'm going to still be at the trainings and I'll still ride by myself, I'm just not going to ride with you guys.
No more Wednesday night church or orchestra. It'll give me more time to study.
No more Sunday stuff. I may still come for drama if they need my help, but after that I will leave. It'll give me time away from some people to think about things (such as moving away)
No musicals, plays, recitals, etc. as I see fit. It'll be on a week by week basis but some of the people that are causing me the most stress have these things coming up and while I would love to see them perform, I just need not to.

That seems about it right now. And, guys, please don't think I'm using this "stress" thing as a way for me to get away from God, I'm not. I just wrote an entire post on quiet time. I will keep up my quiet time and prayer time, I just won't be in a group setting for a few weeks. Please remember that I love you. Don't give up on me.

"What's in it for me?"

2005-04-23T09:31:00.000-05:00

So I was driving home last night thinking about a lot of things and remembering that I needed to update my blog, which I didn't do last night because I was under strict orders to not even think about getting on the computer, which I did do but only to talk to Paul about biking. But anyway, I was thinking about what I was going to write and my initial plan was to complain about how I never have any time for anything anymore because of stupid IB and how my walk with Christ is being affected because I never have any time to have quiet time anymore. And then it hits me. Well, rather, He hits me. Do you ever get holy punches?? I do. As I'm driving around convinced that I never have quiet time because I dont have time, God looks down at me and says: "Wow, child, have you got it all backwards. Its not that you don't have time, its that you aren't willing to make time." This is where the title comes in. I'm so willing to go places and learn about and praise God, when there's some incentive, but when it involves me giving up something (i.e. sleeping) I put it off. Like, OK, I'll go to a concert (Steven Curtis Chapman, Casting Crowns, Christ Tomlin) because I have free tickets and worship there, thats fine (Its free tickets). I'll go to the Singing Women concert and worship there (I got free food), but its hard for someone to ask me to give UP something and me still want to do it, especially if that something involves sleep. Think of it this way, ever try giving up your favorite food or drink?? Well, one of my favorite drinks is soda (anything carbonated) which is not necessarily the healthiest thing in the world. So, I'm working on reducing the amounts of soda I drink in a day. Why? To be healthier. So, why am I not willing to give up an hour or so of sleep a day? Why would I even want to? Again, to be healthier. To grow and mature in Christ. I need to get over my own selfish desires to want everything to have an incentive for me and realize that there IS an incentive. There's an eternal reward. I'm coming to realize more and more how important quiet time is. I see my attitude change depending on whether or not I've had quiet time. For you guys, it may not be that drastic, but I'm sure you can relate in some ways. When we have quiet times, we learn about how our attitude should be. We learn to be more Christ-like, and personally, that is exciting. You guys want to me a goal with me?? There are 7 days in a week (yes, I can still spout out that information) and its unrealistic to push yourself too hard, so for all of us that struggle with quiet time, lets set aside half an hour a day at least 4 days out of the week, and do quiet time. I promise, you'll notice a difference! Are you just willing?? I'll struggle with you, I promise!!!

Frustration

2005-04-18T20:08:00.000-05:00

Ok, so today we're sitting in chemistry class and I already can't concentrate because 1.) I didn't really want to and 2.) People were talking to much and its really incredibly hard for me to concentrate on chemistry when its loud. So, our chemisty teacher decided to pass back the chemistry quizzes that we took last week (the day that I stayed in her class for like the entire day to do them). Well, I start looking at my grades and realize I didn't do that well on any of them. Can I just say that I was a little more than a tad frustrated?? I really really enjoying seeing positive results for something that I put so much time and effort into and when I don't see those results it makes me lose my desire to work hard for anything. The IB Chemistry exam is coming up in 2 weeks and I no longer have a desire to study for it because it seems like no matter how much studying I put into chemistry, I still get really bad grades. It's because IB is stupid...let me just announce that to the world.

Something else frustrated me today. I am so sick and tired of people being so darn exclusive. I know I'm often guilty of it because I feel most comfortable around those I'm really close to, but there just comes a time when it needs to stop! Todd's talking about community and how we're supposed to bind together and yet it seems like we're being pulled farther and farther apart. I dont understand it. God is obviously not pleased with out attitudes and actions, so why don't we can enough to change them?? I'll be honest...my attitude right now is pretty bitter. I'm not very good at following the "turn the other cheek" rule. I seek revenge, well, no, revenge is a pretty harsh rule. I tend to give people a taste of their own medicine, and they obviously don't like it. And the whole line I've heard a thousand times "I never try to exclude you on purpose" is crap. You have to purposively make a choice whether to show someone love and acceptance. So, yes, I'm going to ask God to change my heart but to those who have shown me love and acceptance, thank you, and to those who still don't understand what Todd is talking about, you just see how it feels, k?

(Disclaimer: I'm not sorry if feelings are hurt. I'm hurt, and I get to pour my emotions out to you guys. If it hurts you, then good, you know how I feel.)

Light rays of sunshine

2005-04-16T17:14:00.000-05:00

Well, my last few posts have kinda made it seem like this week has been torture and that absolutely nothing good has happened. Well, thats wrong...it has been a rough week but good things did happen. So here of some highlights from my week (AKA Light rays of sunshine). I'll start from Saturday and work my way backwards

Saturday: Shopping. I had a $10 off coupon at Old Navy so I went and used it. I got a skirt that I really wanted and some awesome shorts and a shirt. Despite the fact that I didn't need any of it (except maybe the shorts) its still fun to go buy lots of cute things and get $10 off!!!

Saturday again: Melissa!!!! I got to talk to Melissa for a long time today and it was just so amazing. We talked about Korea and Tallahassee and then about moving away and she really encouraged me. She gave it to me straight but helped me remember that even if things are changing around me that I'm still going to come home and see everyone.

Friday: Chocolate day!!! After such a stressful week it was so amazing just to be able to sit down and eat a lot of chocolate. Plus, Steph and I didnt go to very many classes because we were passing out NHS stuff

Friday again: Biking. It was our first official group training and everyone did so well. Mrs. Gail (even after telling me she didn't think she would make it) did AMAZING and set a pretty good pace for us the first 10 miles out. Alicia, who before recently hadn't even really ridden a bike, did fantastic. It was so encouraged to see people getting excited about the bike trip. No one complained or whined or anything. Plus, Jeremy and I got to talk for a while, which is always exciting.

Friday again: Babysitting. I was late of course because I was biking but I walked in and Diane asked me to go work with the 4 and 5 year olds. So I walked outside where they were and Kalin and Emma J. came running up to me screaming "Nicole" and gave me big bear hugs. It made me so happy. I'm going to miss those kids

Thursday: Beach boys. I took Jeremy home Thursday after praise team practice and we wanted to listen to beach boys so we put in my CD and sang at the top of our lungs. Plus we got to talk more. Jeremy has definitely become the little brother that I never had and I love spending time with him.

Wednesday: Biking. Despite how tired I was wednesday was a good bike ride. I had to push myself a lot to keep going and Paul was very encouraging. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to just stop but Paul kept encouraging me to stick with it and just push myself a little bit farther. I love having friends that are so encouraging.

Tuesday: The Junction. Trying to seriously injure myself on the trampoline was very fun. I dont know how that works, but it was.

Wow, the more I think about it, the more I realize that these little rays of sunshine really do add up!!! Thanks to everyone that helped me have a wonderful week despite a not so wonderful week!

Lessons of the day

2005-04-14T00:19:00.000-05:00

(Disclaimer: All lessons of the day are actual and factual. They happened today. None of the facts have been changed to protect the innocent. This is what my life is...)

Lesson of the day: NEVER leave making up four or five chemistry quizzes and a chemistry test until the day its due, especially when you haven't study. This often entitles, as learned today, staying in chemistry class for multiple class periods, sometimes even the whole day. The upside? Sometimes you only have to go to one class, which is always happy. Yes, I did only go to one class period today, the last period of the day. All other periods, minus lunch where I quickly got Tamara and me some lunch, were spent studying chemistry and making up quizzes and a test. Result? Death of brain.

Lesson of the day: Biking three days in a row may not be the best of ideas; especially if you bike fairly good distances and two of the three days involve quite a bit of win. 7 miles Monday, 8 miles Tuesday, 13.5 miles today. Tuesday and today were pretty darn windy. And let me tell you, you don't realize your legs hurt so bad until you start biking. Then some of us, such as me, have a tendency to quite possibly turn into a whiny baby. Also, it didn't so much help that Josh Waller demolished my shin at the Junction. Result? Take a break!! Go every other day biking instead.

Lesson of the day: Often its just best to wait to go home until the parents are asleep. If they're going to vent their anger at you over the phone, its better to not go home too soon so they can vent to you some more in person. Result? A lot of prayer can make your mom go to sleep faster ;-)

Lesson of the day: Having good friends to talk to and to cry on their shoulder is a great thing. It often is the only thing that can get you such a stressful day as today. Its good to be able to just cry and not have people think you're too sensitive or something like that. Result? I love Anna and Janelle!!! They rock!

Slightly Overwhelmed

2005-04-10T17:26:00.000-05:00

So here's the perfect story to start out how overwhelmed I am feeling right now (and for once it's really not about school). So, I go to type that title and no joke, it just took my 4 times to do it because I could NOT type it correctly. Thats what happens when I get overwhelmed, I suppose. But, believe it or not, I am not completely exhausted because of school...its for once about church. Which is odd, but completely understandable. Lets begin by listing all the things I do at church, shall we? 1.) Teacher for a 4 Year old LIFE Group 2.) Flautist in the orchestra 3.) Drama "director" for the Children's Praise and Worship Team 4.) Member of the TREE Drama 5.) Youth choir member 6.) Part-time babysitter for church events...And those are just the regular things...Not to mention church and youth and everything else I'm randomly called to do.

Well, now that we've listed all my regular church ministries, lets get to the overwhelming feeling that has been caused by them. The odd thing is, it only seems like its one thing that is overwhelming the most and its not the one I expected. Its teaching 4 year olds. It just seems like I do so much at the church right now and I'm spreading myself really thin. Another possibility is that I'm not putting my all into teaching those kids, despite the fact of how much I love them, just because I only have one more month with them and then I leave. I guess I'm trying not to get any closer to them because I won't be seeing very many of them anymore after my May class. Like today, after class I walked back into the Joy Dome to put my flute away and just kinda collapsed. Nelle asked if anything was wrong and my natural reaction was "Nope, I'm fine." (Sorry, Janelle, kinda lied to you about that one) I don't really know why God is pulling me away from this ministry because its something I love doing, I just feel that I'm being stretched sooooo thin, and all the other things are intertwined and very much related to each other, so it makes it a lot easier on me.

So guys, I guess the point of this blog is just to ask you guys to pray for me. I need wisdom on whether or not to give up this last lesson or to stick it out one more month. I love my kids and its going to be so hard to part with them even though I know I have to do it sooner or later. Also, advice on what to do would be awesome! I love you guys!

Random Substitutes, a Broken Car, and Russian Cafe

2005-04-08T00:09:00.000-05:00

Well, its definitely been a day :-) It all began in first period where my chemistry teacher wasn't there. We had this sub that seemed harmless enough so we just went about our business of doing absolutely nothing in chemistry. So, the harmlessness of our sweet sub changed when she began talking. It began as her call for us to always do our best in everything, but changed into something so much more. A brief synopsis of the conversation will in fact, serve to better our conclusion that we met the oracle (from the Matrix, for those of you who don't know). You know the fact that says we only use 10% of our brains?? Well, our sub was informing us that when she was younger she definitely used about 90% of her brain and without all this "technological" interference, she could read our minds. According to her, her son and her have conversations in their heads all the time. But because the "primitive" computers and technology came about, we have lost our natural abilities to read each others' minds. I'm not thinkin thats a bad thing. Needless to say, there is more to the conversation and if you wanna know, just tell me; but as we left the class we most undoubtably concluded we had meet the oracle.

The rest of the day was normal, until Kyle and I tried to leave school. We didn't get very far until I realized that I was flooring the gas and my car was going no where. Quite scary for driving on open roads (well, it was only Magnolia, but still). So I pull over and we check everything, to which we can only conclude that the seemingly lack of engine coolant has ruined my car. So, what do we do? Buy engine coolant and begin to pour it into the radiator upon which orange stuff starts pouring out. Hmmm...we've never seen orange engine coolant so we stop and call a bunch of people. Finally, we call my stepdad and he comes up, calls AAA and they come tow my car. Turns out it was just a tiny spark plug that needed to be fixed. No big deal, pretty cheap, and very easy to do :-) Oh, and I got my tail light fixed...I think. I bought a bulb, so there's nothing more I can do.

Finally, tonight began the first ever Russian Cafe. May I say that Calyn and Lori are the most awesome teachers ever? Calyn and Lori, being so excited that Diane, Jenna, Tamara, and I (and Todd...who was not present) are going to Ukraine this summer decided to teach us some Russian. And we had yummy food too, which is always good. So, we learned the alphabet, which can be quite confusing...an "r" in Russian looks like our "p" and an 'n' looks like an English H...so, Tamara has officially become "Tamapa" which I think is hilarious. But anyway, then we learned how to spell our names...mines pretty cool...and how to say "Hello, my name is..." "What is your name" and "Very nice to meet you." Overall, I think this may be a language I have to actually work at (unlike Spanish) but I'm going to enjoy it immensely!!!

Why does it happen?

2005-04-06T21:44:00.000-05:00

OK, so how many of you think that Murphy's Law actually exists?? So, by a show of hands I think most of you, yes? And those that aren't raising your hands don't know what Murphy's Law is, correct? Well, I'll tell you. Murphy's Law says that anything that can possibly go wrong will go wrong (and pretty much all at the same time). So, obviously this blog isn't starting out on a positive note....

Today after church, orchestra dancing, ab work-outs, and a very interesting "girlie" conversation with my dear friend Janelle, I get in my car and start to drive away, turning on my right blinker out of the parking lot. Well, I realized its just a solid arrow instead of a blinkie one, which means my blinker no longer works. So, I make plans to go home, tell my stepdad, and get him to fix it. (Sound fine right??) Well, I have made it almost all the way home and am turning into my neighborhood when, yes you guessed it, sirens and lights turn on behind me. Now, mind you, I know they can't give me a ticket or anything, so I'm not like in histerics here crying my eyes out, but I'm mad. I've never been pulled over and if someone's gonna pull you over, I want it to be a legitimate reason. Do cops not have anything better to do then to pray on poor innocent girls in pieces of crap cars that just happen to randomly stop working? OBVIOUSLY NOT!!!!!! It just makes me so mad. Yes, thanks for informing me, because if pieces of my car are falling off or not working, I want to know. But why pull me over with your lights flashing, asking for license, registration, and insurance just to come back and tell me "Get it fixed!!!' I dont understand!!! Go fight crime, for cryin out loud, don't waste your time on telling me to get my tail light fixed!!! Grr.....it just annoys me so much!!!

But, on a much brighter note, I got my report card today and managed to not fail or get an "C's". Which is highly impressive seeing as how I rarely go to class anymore and even less requently do school work!! :-) Well, we're almost there seniors!! Hang in there!

The Power of Prayer

2005-04-05T21:07:00.000-05:00

Ok, that title has so many different aspects to it right now its not even funny. I drove back from Destin today and I left later than I really wanted to because I was eating birthday cake (something I didn't know was going to happen until the exact moment we walked into the hotel) so I think it was almost an hour later than I wanted to leave. Anyway, I'm a person that gets REALLY bored by myself in cars, especially on long trips. So, I'm sitting in the car all by my lonesome and its dark...not a good combination. I start getting really sleepy. So, the one thing that pops into my head to do is to prayer. I prayed for my friends (two very cool ones inparticular) and then for mission trips that we're taking this summer. Well, the more and more deep into prayer I got, I started to notice I was not near as tired as I had been and that the miles seemed to be going a lot faster than before. Now, this may not seem like a big deal to you, but for me it was huge because I get extremely antsy in the car by myself and just having something to focus my mind on took away every bit of sleep that I was feeling and (so it seemed) got my home a log faster. (So thats my first amazing power of prayer)

Now, the second one comes with what I was praying about. I really started praying diligently about the funds for the Ukraine trip some of us are taking and for Janelle and raising her funds for China. (By the way, incredibly excited for Nelle about this trip). Now, mind you I just started giving out letters a few days ago and haven't gotten any money in (knowing $1000 is due May 1). But anyway, I'm praying about being able to soundly get in the money and that money won't be an issue for me to go to Ukraine because its where I'm feeling lead this summer. So, I get home, put my stuff down and go check my mail. And there's a check in the mail :-) I was so excited!!! It just floored me how quickly God answered my prayers. He knows I'm such an impatient person and it seemed like today He was just answering all of my prayer requests immediately. God does amaze me. Thank you for being so willing to support me guys!!! It means the world to me to know that you're willing to help me fulfill God's calling on my life!

Thank you God, for being so amazing! Thank you for answering our prayers, whether in the way we think we want them answered or not. God, thank You for who You are and that Your love never fails me. Help me to draw closer to you daily. I love You, God.